last week, for the first time in a long time, i took two restorative yoga classes. comprised of minimal movement, and holding poses in rest for suspended time, i am always amazed that what seems like relaxation actually wrings the body more than constant flow. this got me thinking about  the tension of opposites, how we can hold what we hold, and how we can allow the light to catch us when we are out of breath. the line below “i am always settling in and then settling in again” has been ringing in my ears for the past several days. this idea that just when we think we have landed, we are actually further unearthed and invited to restore grounding, and that stillness isn’t really the goal but rather fluidity.

restoration

the truth has been patiently walking beside me
periodically darting out in an attempt
to capture my attention
then today it just gently reached over
held my hand and gave it a squeeze
reminding me that i do want and need
and love

so this is what it feels like
to inhabit my body
a home familiar yet unrecognizable
breath hydrating the space
between flesh and bone

still flashes of the past hover
as film overlay on present day
haunting me with life before
and life unlived

once
i was a woman
with a husband
and a dog

it was a time
when water
didn’t behave
as water
how quickly spells are cast
and broken
but life going on without me
leaves me breathless
so i trust in the power
of restoration

seems i am always settling in
and then settling in
again
to the changing terrain below
the weather is coming for us
and it’s breathtaking

as the waves crash me
the sand polishes
my edges smooth
by loosening my grip on
what i desire
it draws toward me
balancing as i settle in once more
contraction and expansion
allow the light in

what makes the heart
start beating again

living and breathing
on the other side
of letting go