I’m gonna tell you the truth…cuz we’re friends, right?!
Tomorrow is my birthday. 51. And even though Christiane Northrup is a friend of mine and I’ve devoured her brilliant book Goddesses Never Age, I’ve been freaking out about it a wee bit. (Or maybe more than a wee bit, but how much is not important…)
For some reason, 50 seemed to feel like the even-keel balance of the teeter-totter. But 51 is now weighing that side way down.
Aging. The ultimate loss of control (I know I never had any but it feels better to think I did.)
Change. My body. My brain. My energy. My heart.
There isn’t an infinite amount of time. Or me. So I remind myself that slowing down – paying attention to presence and awareness in each moment – is a good thing.
My man and I have been in it – as will happen in a committed relationship where significant mutual values include healing and evolution. Relationship as a spiritual path is for warriors. And I am a samurai.
He’s taking me to a nearby hot springs overnight for my birthday. In addition to the whole aging-thing, going away has been stressing me out as well.
The past week or so has had its ups and downs. I told you I was going to be honest. The up was thankfully prevailing – and then I began feeling such pressure to make sure we’d be in a good space come tomorrow for this overnight. So, I started to worry about that…last Saturday. And then what did I do? I actually created conflict. This is a very old pattern of mine – desiring peace yet instigating drama – that seemed to resurface so I could feel in control of something. I created the conflict to relieve myself of just waiting and wondering if conflict would come or not.
It sounds crazy…but maybe you know what I’m talking about. 😉
Good news is I was able to see the self-fulfilling prophecy at play and we eased back into connection. I’m even looking forward to going away now!
On a recent visit with Louise Hay – 89 and divine! – she seemed to be looking around for something. I asked, “Lulu, what do you need?” and she said, “Darling, I just need to be.”
Aging celebrates the permission to be.
Not sure it gets any better than that.
So I now welcome this birthday as an invitation to be…and to move past my past, into a deepening of self-acceptance, self-awareness, self-compassion, self-forgiveness and self-love.
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