As a kid, like most children, I was trying to figure out who I needed to be and what I needed to do to get the most love possible, while avoiding trouble and pain as much as I could.

For me, attempting to be perfect was simply an unconscious survival strategy. As I’ve shared openly, my need to be perfect was directly related to my disabled brother’s death when I was two-years-old. I believed that if I was imperfect — like he was — I would die.

Another one of my survival strategies was to become indispensable, bending over backwards to buy love by taking care of everyone else’s wants and needs.

I learned the hard way what happens when we deny own needs long enough.

Our desires, our health and our wellbeing will demand to be heard.
Even if you don’t heed that call, the truth will come out.
Unfortunately, most often it will come out sideways.
Perhaps you’ll become ill; or depressed; or if you’re like me, you’ll find yourself expressing those needs in destructive ways.

When something is “off” in your life, you know it. When we are feeling discontent in a particular area of our lives, we will discover that we are playing a role in that area that is not our authentic self. We are disconnected from the truth of who we are, and that disconnection has consequences.

It’s impossible to maintain a false identity without consequences. 

It takes an incredible amount of energy to hold up a mask, to continue a story, to portray a role that isn’t true. When you stop and tell the truth, so much energy becomes available to you — energy that can be used to live the life you want.

When we admit to ourselves what we already know, we fly through the doorway of discontent into full-blown freedom.

Facing the truth will fuel you to fulfill your potential and live the life you were meant to live. As you begin to explore who you really are, as you let the mask fall and commit to just being you, you will encounter the stories you have told yourself about yourself and your life.

You might even be amazed to discover that most of the pain we feel is due to our unwillingness to accept what is, exactly as it is – wishing something was different than it is or was – the stories you tell yourself, the stories you’ve wrapped around the truth.

The truth will plant you firmly in the present moment, clear on what is and what can be.

It’s important to remember that admitting to yourself what you already know, telling yourself the truth about your life, takes practice. It is a muscle that needs developing.

I believe the first step to freedom and lasting change is uncovering and admitting our truth. We examine the lies we tell ourselves and walk through what happens when we deny, avoid, or minimize our truth. We discuss survival strategies and our failed attempts at rationalization, justification and compartmentalization.

We discover that everyone has things we feel we need to hide in order to feel loved and accepted.

As we do this, as we take this first step, we discover the ways in which our minds bury but the body never lies.

Your body is the barometer of truth. 

Truth is visceral. You can feel it in your bones….in the core of your being, it is there.

We all have things we feel we need to hide in order to be loved and accepted.

In order to evolve, we must first unconceal the things we need to admit to ourselves…the things we already know.

What is the truth we hide when we betray ourselves? 

Betraying yourself can never be the price you pay to avoid betraying someone else.

We don’t serve anyone if we are pretending. We only serve their façade — the part of them that is in denial and unwilling to admit what they already know. We don’t owe anyone the denial of who we are.

Why do we choose to tell ourselves false stories?

Because we don’t want to face “what is.” Reality feels threatening to us, but reality has a way of forcing us to accept it eventually. The truth won’t be able to be denied forever.

As we begin to examine telling ourselves the truth, we can see how our lies have affected our relationships. We don’t feel truly loved and accepted when we know there are things we keep hidden out of sight. 

When we are honest with ourselves, we can’t pretend anymore.

We realize it is time to unconceal the things we need to admit to ourselves… the things we already know, and allow that to be our first step toward living our truth and being who we are meant to be.

What about you? 

If you aren’t happy with your life, or with some specific aspect of your life, there is probably something you haven’t been willing to tell yourself.

Let me know, in the comments below, if you’re ready to listen to the whisper within that you’ve been ignoring?