What’s the Root of Your Relationship Myth?

Change in Motion

Your origin story has been directing your relationship history, much like the director of a movie. The beliefs you created during your early years draw the people, relationships, and situations toward you that reinforce those beliefs. And that’s not always a good thing.

For example, if you unconsciously believe that men can’t be trusted, you’ll likely attract men who can’t be trusted, or you’ll destroy relationships with your own lack of trust. Even if you don’t verbalize it, the energy will be there, and your partner will feel the distrust unconsciously.

How does this happen, exactly? I’ll be honest and say that it remains a mystery to me. I can’t explain, for example, how a woman chooses a man who is sober when she meets him, only for him to become an alcoholic just like her father once they’re married. I will leave it up to each of us to explain the “how” in our own way.

But in order to set change in motion, all we really need to know is the “why.” We need to get to the root of our relationship myth.

In my case, when my brother died, I tried to be two children for my devastated parents in an effort to fill the space he left behind. I tried to heal their grief and their wounds, even though it was a grief that could never be healed. Of course, at age two, I couldn’t know that. I didn’t think consciously, “I need to heal my parents.” It was just an instinctual response to what I observed and translated with my young mind.

But that’s when my efforts to buy love began, bending over backwards and turning myself inside out for others. As I grew, my parents were very lenient with me, but that provided me with too much risk. There were too many opportunities for experimentation…and scary imperfection. In order to feel safe, I made my own restrictive rules.

I carried that perfectianista programming into my marriage…and well, if you know my story – you know how that turned out!

I’ve determined there are 5 prominent blueprints shaping the way we “do” love. These are patterns and behaviors that really prevent us from accepting the love we deserve.

Wondering what your specific relationship blueprint is? Take the quiz now!


  1. Mona on August 8, 2018 at 8:43 am

    “I need to heal my parents.”

    Also, “perfectionista”

    Wow, Nancy. Such incredible insights. Such powerful observations.

    Thank you.

  2. Cyn on August 8, 2018 at 1:05 pm

    This really struck home with me. My parents argued fought a lot (he loved her but as not in love with her), my Dad worked 10 – 12 hours a day, and cheated on my Mom with other women, which is why they fought….I tried to be the peacemaker at a very young age. I so resonate with you saying “efforts to buy love began, bending over backwards and turning myself inside out for others”…..and I have done that in my relationships. It needs to stop!!!!

  3. Reenie Vincent - Community Concierge on September 12, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    Hi Cyn! Just jumping in to let you know that we’re all in this together! I’m grateful for Nancy’s community of women like you who are here to support each other and remind each other — You/we are worthy of great love — and lucky for us, we can fill our own cups! 🙂

  4. Reenie Vincent - Community Concierge on September 12, 2018 at 1:57 pm

    Hi Mona, with you on the “perfectionista”…I’ve been learning ton let go of the reigns a bit and trust that there is a reservoir of support out there, if i allow myself to receive it 🙂 Happy to have you here and grateful for this community!