Often, we feel like we experience the “same thing” from one relationship to the next, even though each time we’re sure we’ve chosen someone very different from our past partners. These are our recurring patterns, and your relationship timeline will help you decipher yours. Bear in mind that sometimes, the outward experience from one relationship to another may be different, but what you feel is the same—rejected, jealous, put down, suffocated, overwhelmed, etc.
As I’ve said before, the common denominator in all of your relationships is you, which is why changing the pattern starts by going within, not necessarily choosing someone who’s different (although that might also be important).
My client Valerie says she has a tendency to attract men who don’t care as much about her as she cares about them. This is the “same thing” that happens for her in relationship after relationship.
Maria’s “same thing” is men who pursue her and make all sorts of promises to reel her in—but don’t see things through, leaving her feeling duped.
Jocelyn has had a similar pattern, and when her partners don’t fulfill her needs, she feels disappointed, unheard, and abandoned.
Other common patterns include self-sacrifice or needing to always be right because we fear that being wrong means there’s something wrong with us. Codependency—looking for someone outside of me to emotionally regulate me—is especially common among people-pleasers.
Can you relate?
Tell me below, I want to know: What patterns are you starting to see in your own relationships?