When we betray ourselves and others, it’s often because we’ve made the “easier choice” – consciously or unconsciously. But this “easier choice” is actually the cowardly choice. For example, at the time, I mistakenly believed that it was easier for me to have an affair than to tell myself, and my husband, the truth of wanting out of my marriage. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Eventually, making the cowardly choice will be harder, not easier, because it will almost inevitably lead to destruction. You may be delaying the blow up but once it comes, that blow up is often bigger and more painful the longer you put it off. I’m certain the pain would have been less had I been living in alignment with my truth.
But we’re all human, and we’ve all taken the “easy” way out at some point in our lives. For eighteen years, I thought I was committed to my marriage. But in hindsight, I realize I was actually committed to being indispensable, to being punished and to rescuing. All of which led me to stay in an unhappy, controlling marriage. Those commitments overrode my desire for my own well-being and happiness.
What I’ve learned is that, in life, we get what we’re committed to at the deepest level. We tell ourselves we’re committed to happiness, but deep down, we’re actually committed to something else – like being indispensable, staying safe, or putting others’ needs ahead of our own.
For so long, my self-worth was tied up in how much of a chameleon I could be. How much could I please people? How well could I turn myself into what they needed? Becoming what they wanted brought me the most validation, but it was a false validation. I was loved for my façade, not for me. When I finally let the façade go, I discovered that, yes, there were people in the world who would love me for my true self, even though I wasn’t perfect. I learned that I could not only survive if I was human, but actually thrive because of it.
We are meant to be and express the fullness of who we truly are. If we’re living authentically, we might show different aspects of our personalities in different situations, but none of them will be false. When you stop and tell the truth, so much energy becomes available to you – energy that can be used to live the life you want.
When something is “off” in your life, you know it. And it takes an incredible amount of energy to continue the denial. But the truth is so much better! Are you doing anything now that is the “easy thing” – as opposed to the honest thing? What are you doing in your life that is self-sabotaging? Free yourself to pursue the happiness, love, and success you deserve. Share your true story on Facebook.