While working on my next book – about the unforeseen opportunities, empowerment and blessings that have emerged after my divorce – one specific aspect of myself keeps jumping out at me that clearly defines before vs. after : I TOOK OFF THE CAPE!

What a relief to relinquish the image of perfection I had been projecting out to world. Finally breaking free from the Superwoman persona that desperately drove me to solicit outward validation through unrelenting people-pleasing.

I used to think love would come from the outside in, but now know it must grow from the inside first. No amount of external validation will ever match my internal expression of self-love, self-forgiveness and self-acceptance.

At the time, I didn’t realize my divorce was about anything more than my marriage ending. Little did I know it would be the catalyst to my rebirth, just as any change and transition always has the capacity to be – and it’s up to us to allow in what is wanting to happen, while responding in a life-affirming way.

And so I decided to be vulnerable and let people see me sweat. I learned how to ask for help. I gave my pride the year off. I released the belief that being the best and the only one was a viable replacement for love.

Please stop and be still for a moment. Ask yourself this question: “What intention and payoff drives my inner-Superwoman?”

If it’s that you are soaring around searching elsewhere for love, know that you are not alone. Start slowly. You may first just try tucking the cape it inside your shirt, and even though your ego will do its damndest to tug it out, relish in the exploration of how it feels to not have to perform and manage the perception of others.

Once you experience the freedom from no longer constantly trying to prove yourself by garnering those elusive gold stars, you will soon realize that you can actually remove the cape and hang it up for good.

 

11 Comments

  1. swarnima saran on July 20, 2012 at 3:31 am

    It has got deep meaning u have said it beautifully in your poetic way,I am single on the way to marriage in future,I really want to grow towards this state.this is really nice.



  2. Leah Brenda Smith on July 20, 2012 at 3:34 am

    Nancy how encouraging it is to learn that you are writing another book. Bless this blog and thank you for revealing your experience of relinquishing your inner superwoman; we can all use a little respite from Perfection. Warmly, Leah



  3. Karen Whipple on July 20, 2012 at 4:34 am

    Just what I needed to hear. I have been doing the Superwoman thing most of my life. I lifted some heavy boxes the other day when I should of asked for help and hurt my back. Asking for help is new for me. Thanks for the reminder.



  4. Nancy Neff on July 20, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Nancy, great article, much-needed. Some child part of me actually felt I would die if I didn’t try to be as perfect as possible, which kept me in constant panic never feeling safe. As I put down the cape (love that image) I’m finding people love me MORE for my imperfections. Who knew?



  5. rochelle schwartz on July 20, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Thank you for being YOU!!!!
    xoxo
    Rochelle



  6. Sandra Lopes on July 20, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Congratulations Nancy on such a fine achievement…. No stepping backwards for the real you now!!…..I have been living this way now for approx 7 years due to being a pushover at work…. it feels fantastic not to be a people pleaser anymore….. everyone now sees the real me…. take it or leave it!!…. so far so good I got a job promotion, have been happily married for 13 years, love life and lost contact with those who didn’t want to be around the real me…. My rebirth happened 7 years ago Xxx



  7. Mariana on July 22, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    I just think your insight on this book is FANTASTIC! I also think how much damage the media has done in our brains and soul to make us believe that a superwoman can achieve all which finally leads to happiness. They teach us from very young to be a people pleaser, then we get caught up in all sorts of anxiety disorders…take the cape off! stop chasing those golden stars. So what, i’m not a superwoman (there’s no super man either)…just human. Let’s remember that and be liberated!



  8. Nancy McEldowney on July 23, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    May White Light surround you as you learn and teach and let us come along for the ride. As we all share this journey to our inner joy and peace, isn’t wonderful to keep finding each other. ahm nimah sivaya (I bless all that is happening here and all those who are causing it to happen.)



  9. Rihana on November 1, 2012 at 6:18 am

    Thanks for sharing this important information. I will definitely use it!



  10. Rihana on November 1, 2012 at 6:22 am

    Thanks for such valuable info. 🙂



  11. Christie on January 22, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    Still working on dumping the cape…even after almost 16 years of marriage and 4 beautiful children. Just what I needed to hear, thank you.