run toward joy & fun – it’s self-sabotage not to

i got stuck last night. in an old pattern. again. even though i have been consciously driving myself toward new ways of relating, sometimes i forget my new navigation system and fall prey to habit. this time was a little different. i had the awareness, as it was happening, that an opportunity was being presented to me. an opportunity to bypass my knee-jerk reaction and change, right then and there, in the present moment. to operate from a place of doing what my heart wanted versus doing only what made the most practical sense. it was a little messy as i felt the struggle – internal and external – of feeling pulled each way. but my whole gig right now is about getting free. and i am learning that, for me, it’s actually self-sabotage not to run toward joy and fun. i know my capacity and what i’m capable of. i don’t ever need to run toward responsibility since that’s ingrained in me, no matter what. but i can’t keep mourning my unlived life if i don’t jump at the chance for adventure when it’s desired and totally doable. last night i saw the inner workings of this play out in a new way. the next time “an opportunity” presents itself, i will remember to access my joy and dive in – without second guessing myself first.