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How to Be the Example for Others

Stories help us heal and feel connected to one another in profound ways.


Chances are, you already knew that. In fact, it’s probably one of the reasons you’ve tuned in to hear what I have to say in the first place.

Whether it’s the shocking story I share about my ex-husband finding my journals and reading them without my permission or my overachieving people-pleasing story where I flew through the night to get Wayne Dyer’s briefcase that he had forgotten in the van on the way to the airport – stories are the way most of us connect and grow.

It’s funny, we can assume someone is so different from us by the way they look or by the way they live their lives, but once we hear them speak about a personal story it seems as if all of our barriers simply melt away.

We find ourselves in each other’s stories and we learn in resonance with their experience.


Have you ever noticed how every good teacher has a story of transformation that compels them to share and be of service to others?


The truth is that after we’ve experienced the power of personal transformation, so many of us realize that the greatest act of service is to use our personal experiences to help others heal as well.

I know that was true in my case.

After finally seeing how much I buried my own needs in my marriage and the toll it took on my personal life, all I want to do is help someone else find the way out of their own personal version of misery.

To be that person for someone who says, “I give you permission to put yourself first – to set boundaries and to live the life of your dreams.”


And at the same time, I’ve learned that it can be a great responsibility to be of service to others.


When I first started out as an author and coach, I had no clue what the impact of my story might be. In many ways, when I was asking you to Jump, I was right along with you . . . watching my new life unfold in real time.

I realized in that moment that I was given a real responsibility if I was going to help you along your personal journey of transformation.


In many ways, it was exciting – in others terrifying.


You see, that inner part of me that still thought I had to be perfect kept wondering how much growth, pain and transition I should share. Would you think I was a fraud if I shared too much? Would I be hiding if I didn’t share enough?

When you start to share your stories, it can be tempting to share everything that’s happening, in real time. I mean, we’re all craving some real, honest vulnerability – me included!

But, when you want to you use your stories to help others heal, it is incredibly important to do your own inner work first. To make sure that you’re not sharing from a space of seeking outside validation, but instead from a space of being of service.

Now, I’m not saying that your life has to be perfect before you use your experiences to help others heal – but I am saying that holding space for another requires deep inner work.


Well, the truth is that if you want to empower others, you first need to empower yourself. There is something incredibly powerful about being able to do your own work and living the kind of life that blows you away – so that when it comes time to hold others, you know with absolute certainty that what you share can truly reverberate in the life of others.


Now, I know you might be wondering . . . “why is Nancy sharing all this with me right now?”


Well, my dear, . . . for two reasons.

First, I’m asked all of the time by clients who have been transformed by my work what is the one most important thing I’ve learned about helping others (so they too can “pay it forward”).

It is truly this – be the example and live the example, not perfectly, but honestly.

I can’t tell you how many countless people have come to me wondering how they can hold others’ lives in their hands when their lives are completely falling apart.

The only thing I can say is that if you are consistently doing your inner work – using everything in your personal environment to grow and practice your own lessons, that may be enough.

No one is perfect – in fact, if you can own that one fact in service of others then you’re likely ahead of the pack.


And second, I want to share that I’ve been going through another stage of deep personal growth.


One that has challenged me, pushed me and called me to really understand what it means to set boundaries and live my personal truth.

Even when it isn’t easy. Even when it comes with a cost.

Over the coming weeks, I’m going to begin sharing openly and honestly about this next layer of growth I’ve experienced and I hope it will set the new standard for your personal life.

I’ll admit that the inner perfectionist, cape-wearing, overachiever who still lives inside of me is a little scared.

But I’ll be ready. Because I’m taking the time to process and do my inner work.

And more than anything, I hope that it pushes you to find a new, more vulnerable chapter in your life own because – as I mentioned at the beginning – stories are the things that tie us together and propel us to learn in new ways!

So, if you’re ready to embark on a new level of vulnerability, truth-telling and boundary setting join me in my Free Facebook Group, Transform Together and let’s start a real conversation.



P.S. Are you ready to learn more about the responsibility of doing your inner work when it comes to sharing your own personal transformation story? Tune in to my Hay House Radio show tomorrow, Thursday, May 30, 2019 at 8am PT / 11am ET, where I’ll be talking live about this topic and taking your calls.

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