Nancy: She asked a question…that still reverberates in my bones today.
What are you most afraid people will find out about you?
I can remember feeling my throat tighten. I wanted to say something vague, something safe, but before I could stop myself, I admitted what I had known deep down for years. And once the truth was spoken, there was no taking it back.
Welcome to the Nancy Levin Show. I’m Nancy Levin, founder of Levin Life Coach Academy, bestselling author, master coach, and your host.
I help overachieving people pleasers set boundaries that stick and own self worth anchored in empowered action. So you can feel free. Plus, if you’re an aspiring or current coach, you are in the right place.
Join me each week for coaching and compelling conversations designed to support you in the spotlight as you take center stage of your own life. Let’s dive in.
Nancy: Welcome back to the Nancy Levin Show. This episode is especially meaningful because you are finding me on the threshold of a new decade.
So if you’re listening in real time, the day this episode goes live tomorrow, February 25th, I turn 60. 60 years of life, 60 years of experience. 60 years of expansion.
And it is a funny thing. We move through time moment by moment, year by year. And then suddenly we had a milestone that asks us to pause, to reflect, to acknowledge the distance we’ve traveled and who we’ve become along the way.
And what’s really landing for me is that 15 years ago on my 45th birthday, my life changed forever.
At 45, I was living a life that looked perfect on the outside and I was crumbling.
On the inside, I was the event director at Hay House surrounded by the most brilliant minds in the fields of personal development and personal growth, like Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer.
And yet I was completely disconnected from myself.
I was in a marriage that wasn’t serving me, but I was too afraid to admit it.
I was living for everyone else. I had no idea how to live for me.
And that previous version of me, that version who thought she had it all figured out, who was working tirelessly to keep up appearances, to hold everything together, to stay inside the lines of the life she had built.
That version of me at 45 found herself in a room with Debbie Ford. Debbie was leading a weekend retreat called The Shadow Process.
And as part of my job at Hay House, I was there to produce the event. Now, Debbie and I were already friends and I had let her know just the smallest amount of what was really going on behind the scenes for me.
And you can imagine my surprise that weekend when Debbie said to me, “this weekend, you are going to let your staff run the event and you are going to sit your ass in the chair and do the work.”
Because here’s the deal. I had been surrounded by transformation, but I wasn’t actually experiencing it myself.
Instead, I was doing what so many of us do. I was hiding in plain sight.
On the surface, I had my dream job. I had the quote unquote perfect marriage. I lived in a place I loved, but underneath it all, the truth is, I was living someone else’s life, and I was too afraid to admit it.
Because admitting it would mean change, and change felt like the most terrifying thing in the world.
So there I was at “this weekend with Debbie”…, expecting to maybe journal a little, gain some insight, feel inspired, and then go right back to my life.
But that is not what happened. What I didn’t realize was that I was about to come face to face with the parts of me I had spent my lifetime avoiding, and because Debbie had this uncanny ability to see right through the layers of armor we build around ourselves, she could pierce through the masks, the facades, the carefully constructed identities I was clinging to.
And in one particular exercise, she asked a question. that still reverberates in my bones today.
What are you most afraid people will find out about you?
I can remember feeling my throat tighten, my, my chest constrict, every muscle in my body tensed against the truth that was clawing its way to the surface.
I wanted to say something vague, something safe, but before I could stop myself, I blurted out the word. I am living a lie.
And so there it was. It was out in the open. And for the first time, I admitted what I had known deep down for years. I had built a life on shoulds, on obligations, on expectations.
I had sacrificed my own desires for the sake of keeping the peace.
Making others comfortable being who I thought I was supposed to be. And once the truth was spoken, there was no taking it back. And that weekend cracked me open. It forced me to face the shadow parts of myself, the fears, the beliefs, the unhealed wounds that had been running my life behind the scenes.
And that weekend was a catalyst.
It set off a domino effect that led to me leaving my marriage, stepping away from the career I had built.
And ultimately doing the deep, confronting, liberating work of embracing my shadows and embracing my truth.
But let’s be clear, this was not an instant transformation because there’s something that I’ve learned: transformation doesn’t happen in one single moment.
It happens in the small steps and courageous choices we take toward ourselves again and again. And since that weekend with Debbie, I have built a body of work that is a direct result of my own healing.
I’ve written books, created coaching models, founded love and life coach Academy. I’ve had the privilege of walking thousands of people through their own inner work, helping them reclaim parts of themselves that they’ve been conditioned to hide.
And so now at 60, I feel more alive, more free, more fully aligned with myself than ever before. And let me tell you, there were days.
Many days where I wanted to turn back, where I questioned everything, where I thought maybe it would be easier to just go back to the way things were.
Because healing is messy. Stepping into your truth is uncomfortable. And walking away from the known into the unknown is terrifying.
But what I know now, 15 years later, is that the cost of staying stuck is far greater than the discomfort of change.
And so here I am, 60 years old. And when I look back at the past 15 years, what I see is a woman who chose herself again and again, even when it was hard, even when it meant others would feel disappointed, even when it meant walking away from everything familiar, because the truth is I didn’t just walk away from a marriage.
I left behind a version of myself, the version who believed she wasn’t enough, the version who thought her worth was determined by how much she gave to others, the version who was afraid to take up space in her own life and in her place, a new version of me emerged.
One who stands unapologetically in her truth.
One who knows her own worth. One who embraces every messy, beautiful, imperfect part of herself.
So if you are listening right now wondering if it’s too late for you.
If you’re sitting with the truth you’re afraid to say out loud. If you’re feeling stuck in a life that no longer fits. I want you to know that it’s never too late to begin again.
Not at 30, not at 45, not at 60, not at 75, not ever.
Because every single day you have a choice to keep living the same story or to write a new one.
And the moment you decide to choose yourself, that is the moment your true life begins. So as I’m stepping into this new decade, I’m carrying all of my lessons with me.
I’m carrying the wisdom that only comes from walking through the fire. I’m carrying the knowing that my shadows are not something to fear, but something to embrace. And most of all, I’m carrying the unshakable truth that I am the author of my own life. And so are you.
On this note, I would like to share a poem of mine that closes my book, Jump and Your Life Will Appear.
This poem is called Unbound, and I actually first wrote it to be in Debbie Ford’s book Courage that she published before she passed in 2013.
Unbound.
We may never know how we hold all we can.
Or how the light catches us when we are out of breath.
It’s a sign of healing to be feeling again.
The real breakthrough can only arise from heartbreak.
That which ails, cures, reminding us.
But it’s always about beginning and then beginning again.
As the waves crash me, I trust the sand to polish my edges smooth, dissolving denial, revealing real, while courage and confidence ignite my core.
Contraction and expansion let the light stream in, and the stillness, after so much thrashing about, allows the body to wring the sorrow out.
As freedom floods, shadows may persist.
Know the undertow as you alchemize the dark.
And remember, you always have the strength to choose.
How to engage the clouds, unveil the view when you are ready to climb.
Now it’s time to notice the miraculous moments in your life as they are happening.
This is the making of me and we will walk courageously into daybreak on the night. Shining our light together.
Thanks so much for being here with me and celebrating 60.
And I’m deeply grateful for this community and the way that we walk this path together.
And so until next week, remember your truth is your power and you are worthy of living. in alignment with it.
Thanks so much for joining me today. I invite you to head on over to nancylevin. com to check out all the goodies I have there for you.
And, if you’ve enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a rating, and a review. I’ll meet you back here next week.