Nancy: So here’s a simple but powerful question to ask yourself:
“Am I saying yes to this because it lights me up or because I’m afraid of what will happen if I don’t?”
Welcome to the Nancy Levin Show. I’m Nancy Levin, founder of Levin Life Coach Academy, bestselling author, master coach, and your host. I help overachieving people pleasers set boundaries that stick and own self worth anchored in empowered action.
So you can feel free plus if you’re an aspiring or current coach you are in the right place.
Join me each week for coaching and compelling conversations designed to support you in the spotlight as you take center stage of your own life. Let’s dive in!
Nancy: Welcome back to the Nancy Levin Show. I’m so thrilled you’re here and we’re going to dive into one of the most misunderstood topics in the world of personal growth, relationships, and boundaries.
We’re going to talk about saying no.
When I invite you to say no, how does that land for you right now?
Does it feel empowering, freeing, aligned, or does it stir up feelings of guilt, or fear, or resistance?
For so many of us, saying no feels like saying a four letter word, something we avoid at all costs…
…Something that makes us squirm and sweat.
Because we don’t want to be seen as selfish, or uncaring, or unhelpful.
But what if we’ve been looking at no all along?
So today, we are flipping this. I’m going to show you how saying no can actually be one of the most generous, loving, and courageous things you can do.
Not just for yourself. But for the people you care about.
We’re going to unpack the layers of people pleasing, explore why over committing isn’t as virtuous as it seems and learn how to step into the power of confident, compassionate “No”.
And by the end of today’s episode, you will see that no, it’s not a rejection. No is a gift.
So, let’s start by talking about people pleasing. If you are like many of us, you’ve probably been taught that being agreeable: accommodating and saying yes to everyone is the gold standard of being a good person.
Maybe you grew up in a household where love was conditional, where you had to earn approval by being the helper or the peacekeeper.
Or maybe you’re carrying beliefs from a culture that glorifies self sacrifice as the ultimate virtue.
But here’s the truth: people pleasing isn’t generosity. It’s fear.
When we say yes out of obligation or desire to avoid conflict, we’re not coming from a place of abundance or authenticity. We’re coming from a place of scarcity.
Scarcity of self work, scarcity of courage, scarcity of trust, and others ability to handle their own lives.
So really think about this. Every time you say yes, but you really want to say no…what happens inside of you? For me, my former people pleasing days, saying yes felt like handing over little pieces of myself.
My energy, my time, my joy, all parceled out to everyone but me. I’d find myself over committed, overwhelmed, and resentful. And here’s the kicker. I wasn’t really helping anyone.
Because my “yes” was coming from a place of depletion, not genuine generosity.
So what about you? Have you ever felt that way?
Take a moment to reflect on the last time you said yes when you didn’t want to.
How did that feel in your body? How did it affect your mood or your relationships? The big mindset shift I invite you to embrace today is saying no is self honoring. And if you think that means it’s selfish, you’re right. Because here’s the thing. We are, all of us, selfish and selfless, but we have disowned “selfish” and put selfless on a pedestal.
And in the word selfless, it’s right there: “less self.” So we need to be able to embrace selfish and selfless.
And when we’re standing in our selfishness in the way that it honors us, we say no so that we can hold others capable and we don’t need to feel resentful. When we honor ourselves, we are better able to show up for others in ways that are meaningful, sustainable and truthful.
So now let’s talk about the energy behind your yes. One of my favorite sayings is every yes is a no to something else.
So really think about that. Every time you say yes to something that drains you, you’re saying no to something that could nourish you. You’re saying no to your own rest, your own priority, and your own peace.
And here’s the irony: when you say yes to something you truly don’t want to do, you’re not giving your best self to that commitment. Maybe you show up tired or distracted or resentful.
Maybe you’re counting the minutes until you can leave, or you’re mentally tallying up all the things you could be doing instead, that kind of energy doesn’t serve anyone, not you and not the person you are supposedly trying to help.
But when you say no from a place of clarity and love, you’re actually creating an opportunity for a cleaner, more authentic yes down the road.
You’re preserving your energy, your time, and your integrity so that when you do say yes, you can show up fully and wholeheartedly. So here’s a simple but powerful question to ask yourself. Am I saying yes to this because it lights me up or because I’m afraid of what will happen if I don’t?
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned around boundaries is that they are bridges. Saying no doesn’t mean that you’re shutting people out. It means that you are building a foundation of respect, trust, and honesty.
So I want to spend a little bit of time here talking about the ripple effect of saying no…because when you start setting boundaries, the impact goes far beyond your own life.
So first, let’s talk about what happens within you.
When you start saying no to things that aren’t aligned with your values, you reclaim your energy and your focus.
You begin to feel more empowered, more authentic, and more in control of your own mind. But the ripple effect doesn’t stop there, because when you set boundaries, you inspire others to do the same.
You give them permission to prioritize their own well being. You show them that it’s possible to honor your needs without guilt or apology. And perhaps most importantly, you create deeper and more honest relationships.
Because when you show up as your true self, someone who is clear about their yeses and their no’s, you give other people freedom to do the same.
I’ll share a story with you. A client of mine, let’s call her Sarah, she used to say yes to everything.
PTA meetings, extra work projects, last minute favors. She was the go to person for everyone, but she was miserable. And when we started working together, Sarah realized that her “yes’s” were rooted in a deep fear of disappointing people.
But as she began practicing saying no, something really incredible happened. Not only did she feel lighter and more at peace, but her relationships improved. Her family appreciated her more because she wasn’t running on empty. Her colleagues respected her. Because she respected her own boundaries and she felt like she was finally living in alignment with her true self.
So, you might be wondering, how do you actually practice saying no? So step one is simply clarity. Take some time to reflect on your priorities. What truly matters to you? What do you want to make space for in your life? And then step two is to craft your no.
So here’s a simple script you could use:
“I really appreciate you thinking of me. I’m not able to take this on.”
Notice what’s missing from that sentence.
Apologies, excuses, and over explaining. You don’t need to justify your no. It’s enough to simply honor your own truth.
And then step three is practice. So start small, say, notice something low stakes, a meeting. You don’t need to attend an invitation that doesn’t excite you and build your confidence over time.
So as we wrap up today’s episode, I’m going to leave you with this: saying no is an act of self respect, but it’s also an act of self love.
It’s a way of showing up authentically in your relationships. It’s a way of creating space for what truly matters.
So my challenge to you this week is to practice one intentional no.
And notice how it feels. Notice the space it creates. And remember that every no is a yes. to something greater.
Thanks so much for joining me today. And I hope that this episode has resonated with you. And I look forward to being back here again with you next week. And until then, keep honoring your truth and saying yes to the life you deserve.
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