Nancy: Have you ever achieved a big goal, something you worked so hard for only to feel empty or unfulfilled afterward? That’s a sign that the goal was out of alignment with your soul.
So today I’m going to challenge the traditional obsession with goal setting, show you how you can redefine success and how to create a relationship with achievement.
That nourishes your soul instead of draining it.
Welcome to the Nancy Levin Show. I’m Nancy Levin, founder of Levin Life Coach Academy, best selling author, master coach, and your host. I help overachieving people pleasers set boundaries that stick and own self worth, anchored in empowered action, so you can feel free.
Plus, if you’re an aspiring or current coach, you are in the right place. Join me each week for coaching and compelling conversations designed to support you in the spotlight as you take center stage of your own life.
Let’s dive in.
Nancy: Welcome back to another episode of the Nancy Levin show. I am so glad you’re joining me today. And if you are someone who loves a good goal, a five year plan, a checklist, with every box ticked off, then today’s episode might challenge you in ways that you aren’t seeing coming. We are diving into the world of goals, not to celebrate them, but to question them.
So you heard me right.
Today, I’m going to ask you a provocative question.
Are your goals sabotaging your soul?
It might sound counterintuitive. After all, we’ve been told our whole lives that setting goals is the key to success….
…that without goals, we are drifting aimlessly, lacking purpose and direction.
And I’m not here to demonize goals entirely. Goals can be useful. They can give us structure and they can help us grow. There is a darker side to goal setting that no one really talks about. It’s the pressure, the rigidity, the obsession with achievement that can truly disconnect us from who we really are and from what truly matters.
So today I’m going to challenge the traditional obsession with goal setting and show you how you can redefine success from an internal lens. That can lead to more meaningful achievement, and we’ll talk about how your shadow commitments might be driving your goals and how to know when your goals are out of alignment and how to create a relationship with achievement that nourishes your soul instead of draining it.
So let’s first begin with the big picture.
Why do we set goals in the first place?
So for many of us, because we’ve been taught to believe that achieving a goal is the only way to feel accomplished, worthy, or successful, we tie our sense of self to what we’ve done, to what we’ve checked off, to what we’ve achieved.
Here is what no one tells you. Goals can become a trap, and when you become overly fixated on achieving a goal, you can lose sight of why you set it in the first place. You might push yourself to the brink, sacrificing your health, your relationships, and your happiness. In the process, you might measure your worth solely on your ability to achieve and feel like a failure when your life doesn’t go according to plan.
Have you ever achieved a big goal, something you worked so hard for only to feel empty or unfulfilled afterward?
That’s a sign that the goal was out of alignment with your soul.
So I’m going to share a quick story. A client of mine, we’ll call her Emma, came to me because she felt stuck. She had spent years climbing the corporate ladder and working long hours to land the executive role that she had always used.
Thought she wanted, but when she finally got there, she felt nothing but exhaustion and dread. And in fact, she came to me in one of our sessions saying, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’ve spent so long chasing this dream and now that I have it, I don’t even want it. Emma’s story is not unique, it’s what happens when we set goals based on external validation instead of internal alignment.
And here’s the thing, sometimes our goals aren’t even ours. We set goals to please our parents, or impress our peers, or fit into societal expectations, but when we’re chasing goals that don’t truly align with who we are, we end up sabotaging our own well being. So let’s get to the roots. Of the problem.
Many of the goals we set are driven by what I call shadow commitments.
These are the hidden commitments, the hidden promises that operate underneath the surface. Shaping our actions without us even realizing it.
Here are three steps to uncovering your shadow commitments.
1) First, you can ask yourself, what is motivating this goal?
2) The second is to get curious about the emotions behind it.
Are you setting this goal out of fear, out of a need to prove something, out of a belief that you’re not enough as you are?
3) And the third is to pay attention to how the goal feels in your body.
Does it feel expansive, like it’s pulling you toward your highest self, or does it feel heavy, constrictive, and forced?
When you identify the shadow commitment behind a goal, you can start to release it and make space for something that’s more aligned.
So now that we’ve explored the hidden costs and shadow commitments behind goal setting,
Let’s talk about redefining success here. What if success wasn’t about checking boxes or reaching milestones?
And what if it was about how you feel along the way?
Because here’s a radical idea.
Success isn’t something you achieve. Success is something you embody.
When you align your actions with your values, when you honor your energy and boundaries, when you prioritize joy, connection, and authenticity, that’s what is success.
I’m going to share another story here.
One of my clients, we’ll call him James, came to me with a list of goals that was a mile long.
He was frustrated because no matter how much he achieved, he always felt like it wasn’t enough.
And so we worked on redefining what success meant to him. And for James, success became about presence, being fully engaged in each moment, whether he was working on a project, spending time with his family or taking care of himself and as he shifted his focus from external achievement to internal alignment, something amazing happened.
He actually started achieving more when you stop chasing and start aligning, you create space for ease and flow.
So you might be wondering, how do you create goals that align with your soul?
Here are a few steps to get you started.
First, start with your values.
What matters most to you? What do you want to prioritize in your life?
Use your values as a compass to your goals.
The second is to focus on how you want to feel.
Instead of setting a goal, like I want to lose 10 pounds, ask yourself, how do I want to feel in my body?
Instead of, “I want to make six figures”. Ask yourself, how do I want to feel about my work and my finances?
The third is to leave room for flexibility.
Rigid goals can feel like a prism.
Instead, you can set intentions that allow for growth, evolution, and unexpected opportunities. It is about progress. Success, not perfection. Success isn’t about reaching a destination. It’s about honoring every step of your journey. And when you create soul aligned goals, you’re not just achieving, you are transforming.
You’re growing into your fullest, most authentic version of yourself.
So as we wrap up today’s episode, I’m going to leave you with one final thought.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is let go of a goal that no longer serves you.
You are not defined by what you achieve. You are defined by who you are and how you show up in the world.
So my challenge to you this week is to take a good, honest look at your goals. Ask yourself, is this goal aligned with my soul or is this goal sabotaging my well being? And if it’s the latter, I invite you to release it.
Trust that by letting go, you’re making space for something new and more aligned to emerge.
Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope that today’s episode resonates with you and that you. Feel inspired to make sure that all of your goals are aligned with your soul. I’ll see you next week.
Thanks so much for joining me today. I invite you to head on over to nancylevin. com to check out all the goodies I have there for you. And, if you’ve enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a rating, and a review. I’ll meet you back here next week.