As we enter menopause, something profound happens. The wiring that fuels our instinct to people-please begins to loosen its grip, creating space for us to redefine who we are and how we show up in the world. So today, we are talking about how you can embrace this transition. Let go of the habits and patterns that no longer serve you and step into the fullness of your power.
Welcome to the Nancy Levin Show. I’m Nancy Levin, founder of Levin Life Coach Academy, best-selling author, master coach, and your host. I help overachieving people-pleasers set boundaries that stick and own self-worth, anchored in empowered action, so you can feel free. Plus, if you’re an aspiring or current coach, you are in the right place.
Join me each week for coaching and compelling conversations designed to support you in the spotlight as you take center stage of your own life.
Let’s dive in.
Welcome back to another episode of the Nancy Levin Show, today we are diving into a deeply transformative and often misunderstood moment in a woman’s life. That moment is menopause and we’re going to be exploring how this stage can fundamentally shift the way we relate to others, revealing an extraordinary opportunity to prioritize ourselves, reclaim our voices, and set boundaries like never before.
For so many women, the natural response to stress is to tend and befriend. Which essentially means to care for others and lean on social connections for support. As we enter menopause, something profound happens. The wiring that fuels our instinct to people-please begins to loosen its grip, creating space for us to redefine who we are and how we show up in the world.
Today we are talking about how you can embrace this transition, let go of the habits and patterns that no longer serve you, and step into the fullness of your power.
As a little aside here, even if you are not a woman in menopause, there will be something in here for you.
First, let’s unpack the tend and befriend response. I will let you know that I first heard about this from my dear friend Mindy Pelz, the best-selling author of Fast Like a Girl and The Menopause Reset. She is currently working on her next book called Age Like a Girl, and she had been researching this ‘tend and befriend’ response and shared the data with me. I immediately saw how it integrates into my work with you.
Let’s dive into the tend and befriend stress response. Unlike the fight or flight response, which is about survival through confrontation or escape, tend and befriend is about survival through connection. So ‘tend’ involves nurturing others, taking care of loved ones and maintaining peace. ‘Befriend’ is about seeking out and deepening social bonds during times of stress. For much of our lives this response serves us and those around us very well. It’s what makes us excellent caregivers, empathetic friends, and the glue that holds our relationships together. But what happens when this instinct, which often runs on autopilot, begins to shift? What happens when the pull to tend to others and maintain every social connection isn’t as strong as it once was? This is where opportunity lies.
Menopause often comes with a physical and emotional changes that forces us to pause and reflect. You may notice you feel less driven to take care of everyone else or maintain relationships out of obligation. Here is the beauty in the shift. This is not a loss. It’s, in fact, an opening. It’s an invitation to re evaluate what you truly want and need. It’s a chance to stop running on autopilot and start making intentional choices. For many women, this is the very first time they feel an intentional nudge, sometimes subtle, sometimes loud, to ask the question, “What about me?”That question can feel so uncomfortable if you’re used to putting yourself last, but it’s also the beginning of something powerful.
Permission, permission to prioritize yourself, permission to focus on your own needs, permission to reclaim your own voice. If people-pleasing has been your default, this transition will feel unsettling. You may worry that saying no will disappoint others, or that setting boundaries will strain relationships, but boundaries are not about keeping people out. They’re about letting others know how to best connect with you.
Between the whirlwind of daily life and the current state of our world, chaos seems prevalent, and with chaos comes overwhelm, anxiety and burnout. The truth is, when we’re experiencing chaos, we’re ultimately desperate to feel grounded. This is why I invite you to join me for my FREE Live Virtual Workshop — From Chaos to Confidence: Tune In, Take Control & Live Your Truth so you can overcome the chaos, find your footing and create the peace you desire and deserve. Visit nancylevin.com/chaos to choose the date that works best for you, and if you can’t make it live, I’ll send you the replay. I hope to see you there.
Let’s talk about how to start redefining your relationships through boundaries.
First, identify your own needs. What are the areas in your life where you have been saying yes, where you really want to say no? Take some time to reflect on what you need more of and less of in your life.
Second, begin practicing small nos. If setting boundaries feels overwhelming, you get to start small, micro-boundaries. Maybe it’s declining a social invitation when you need rest, or delegating a task you’d normally take on yourself.
The third is reframe boundaries as self respect. Setting boundaries is selfish, and it’s important to own our selfishness, just like we’ve been owning our selflessness. It’s an act of honoring yourself. When you communicate your limits, you’re teaching others how to value and respect your time and energy. Now let’s shift to reclaiming your voice. One of the most profound gifts of this transition is the opportunity to reclaim your voice, the voice that may have been silenced for decades by years of prioritizing others, and conforming to societal expectations.
But here’s how you can begin to reconnect to your voice right now.
First, get curious about your desires. What have you always wanted to say but haven’t? What dreams or passions have been patiently waiting for your attention? Give yourself permission to explore these questions without any judgment.
Use “I” statements. When expressing your needs or setting boundaries, speak from your own experience. For example, I need some time to myself this weekend. This is clear and direct, without placing blame or making any excuses.
The next piece is to celebrate your truth. Every time you speak up for yourself, celebrate it, whether it’s setting a boundary, sharing your feelings, saying no to something that doesn’t serve you, acknowledge the courage it takes to prioritize your own truth. For many of us, the idea of prioritizing ourselves feels radical, but here’s the truth, you cannot pour from an empty cup.
When you take care of yourself first, you are better equipped to show up for the people and commitments that matter most. When you are full, you give from generosity instead of resentment.
Let’s also talk here about the ways you can give yourself permission.
First, schedule time for yourself, block out time on your calendar that is just for you, whether it’s a morning walk, journaling, sitting in silence, and treat this time as sacred. Treat this appointment with yourself as your most sacred appointment.
The next is letting go of guilt. It is common to feel guilty when you begin prioritizing yourself, especially when you are used to taking care of everyone else, but remind yourself that self care is essential. When guilt arises in this context, guilt is good. Guilt is an indicator that you are on the right track to honoring yourself and your own needs.
The last piece here is to surround yourself with support. Seek out people, a community who understands you and your journey. This might mean reconnecting with old friends, joining a group of like minded women, or working with a coach to navigate this transition. As you step into this new chapter, relationships may shift, and that’s okay. Not everyone will understand your boundaries or your desire to prioritize yourself, but those who truly care about you will adapt and respect your growth.
This is also a time to rediscover your own joy. What lights you up, what makes you feel alive. Maybe it’s a creative hobby, a new adventure, or simply giving yourself permission to rest. Can you imagine? Joy is not frivolous. It’s fuel for your soul. So as we come to the close of today’s episode, I want to leave you with this.
Menopause is not an ending. It is a beginning. It is an invitation to let go of what no longer serves you and to step boldly into the life you’ve always deserved, reclaiming your voice. Setting boundaries and prioritizing yourself are acts of profound self love and as you embrace this transition, you will find the woman who emerges is stronger, freer, and more aligned with her truth than ever before.
I’m so glad you decided to spend time with me and the Nancy Levin Show today, and until next time, remember that you are worthy of the care and attention you so freely give to others. See you next time.
Thanks so much for joining me today. I invite you to head on over to nancylevin.com to check out all the goodies I have there for you. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a rating, and a review. I’ll meet you back here next week.