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Bring Your Underlying Commitments Out of the Shadows

For eighteen years I thought I was committed to my marriage. But I’ve since discovered that what I was more committed to being indispensable. This drive kept me stuck in an unhealthy marriage, it overrode my own wants and needs, and had me abandon my own happiness.

HelpWe all think that we’re going after what we want in the world, we think we want what we say we want, but when our lives don’t reflect what we say we want, it’s because there’s this underlying unconscious commitment that’s driving us that we don’t even know about, that was again formed from way back when we were probably under ten years old. It was really formed in response, in partnership, with our shadow beliefs. The shadow beliefs are conclusions we draw about ourselves – I’m unlovable, I’m not enough, I’m unworthy – and the underlying commitment is the strategy, the coping mechanism that we use in the world to reinforce that shadow belief and to stay safe.

What I’ve learned is that, in life, we get what we’re committed to at the deepest level – and it’s usually something we’re not conscious of.

We are, whether we are aware of it or not, always creating exactly what we are most committed to. It is vital to understand that the choices we make are always in alignment with our deepest commitments. We think, or tell ourselves, we’re committed to one thing but deep down we’re actually committed to something else—like keeping quiet and staying small in order to feel safe. So you can see that would fly in the face of an overt desire to be big, loud, smashing success!

When our lives are not the way we want them to be, we can be certain we have a conflicting hidden unconscious commitment to something other than that which we say we are committed to. Once we unconceal it, we’re able to let go of what no longer serves us by consciously choosing a new commitment in support of the life we desire now.

So, now that you know this…what do you think you’ve been most committed to, and how can you transform this commitment into one that serves you now? Join the conversation with me on Facebook.


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