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Episode 89: Cultivating Self-Love Transcript


We have this idea that if love is bestowed upon us from the outside, that we will then believe we are lovable. However, we have this backwards. We need to first foster and cultivate our own love within, in order to be able to receive true love from anyone else. So someone else loving us isn’t going to automatically and magically have us believe we are lovable. The love you are seeking externally, needs to be discovered internally first. 

Hi, and welcome to Your Permission Prescription. The podcast that teaches you how to confidently say “yes” to you and consciously create the life you desire. I’m Nancy Levin, best-selling author, master life coach, and founder of Levin Life Coach Academy. But it wasn’t too long ago that I was a burnt-out people-pleaser.

Living my life for everyone around me and ignoring my own needs.

Fast forward to today, and I’ve successfully coached thousands of recovering people-pleasers to set boundaries with themselves, and the people around them, so they can live a more fulfilling life on their own terms.

I created Your Permission Prescription to help you do the same. Be sure to tune in for actionable coaching methods, from me. Interviews with other incredible coaches, speakers and authors, plus one-on-one live coaching calls and so much more. If you’re ready to start saying yes to you, then you’re in the right place.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Permission Prescription. And in honor of Valentine’s Day this week, I thought I’d share a bit about how to redefine intimacy as ultimately loving yourself first and foremost.

Now listen, I know we hear a lot about self-love and we hear a lot about the necessity of loving ourselves first before loving another. I know that many of us grew up with the Disney fantasy of being rescued or saved, or the Jerry McGuire fantasy of “you complete me”. But I’m here to tell you that the love you are seeking externally, needs to be discovered internally first.

We have this idea that if love is bestowed upon us from the outside, that we will then believe we are lovable. However, we have this backwards.We need to first foster and cultivate our own love within, in order to be able to receive true love from anyone else. So someone else loving us isn’t going to automatically and magically have us believe we are lovable. This is an inside job. 

So today on the podcast, I’m going to share two things with you. One is a poem I wrote called Immersing and Emerging. And the second is a self-love meditation that you can do any time. And both of these, the poem and the meditation, are invitations for you to create a relationship with yourself that has you feel truly loved, so that you are not looking for love outside of you to fill a void. 

Love of someone else can enhance your self-love, it can also detract and drain your self-love. But if you are standing firmly on the foundation of your very own love, you will then know how to make the healthy choices to be sure that any other love coming at you is purely for your enhancement.

So first, I’m going to share this poem called immersing and emerging. And it’s in my book of poems called Writing for My Life. 

immersing and emerging 

i watch her swim 

away from fear 

toward a sea 

free from restraint

she does not look up

or around 

only within

breathing in and out

immersing and emerging

criticism crawls

out of her body

as she glides 

into a confident sheath

peace ignites her core

for the first time

she understands awareness

by being seemingly unaware 

standing now she rises

her flesh propelled by 

bone muscle tendon

blood is rushing her

heart awake 

all love begins

with self-love

once you know

you are the root 

of your own suffering

choose to disengage

from the periphery

harness and recognize

the strength inside 

to magnetize

breath is the private mantra

guiding prayer 

follow your feet knees hips

belly heart hands

be willing to lose your balance

surrender to what matters most

and dive into the unknown 

And now I’d like to guide you in a self-love meditation. This is a meditation I do with my students inside of Levin Life Coach Academy. It is a meditation I personally do several times.It’s something I like to do as I’m waking up or falling asleep or even taking a moment in the middle of the day to return to myself. 

If you are able to close your eyes, I invite you to do so. And if you’re listening to this while you’re driving or hiking, as I usually listen to podcasts, and you’re not able to close your eyes,maybe remind yourself to return to this at a later time when you are able to give yourself this kind of grace and space. 

So close your eyes. And I invite you to begin slowing down your breath. Big breaths deep into your belly. And imagine right out in front of you the being you love most in the world, can be a person alive or past, an animal, the being you love most in the world, imagine them right out in front of you. 

And now imagine your heart opening and sending all the love you feel for this being right out into them. Imagine it visually. So, see your love flowing out of your own heart directly into theirs. It might look like a rainbow or heart-shaped confetti, or notes of music. Allow yourself to see the potent, powerful love you feel for the being you love most in this world, flowing out of you right into them.

And on your next few breaths, with each exhale, you are sending the love out. You’re sending the love out for them to receive. The deep, the powerful, the potent love you feel for this being you love most in the world, you are sending your love out and they are receiving it. 

And now imagine the being in front of you,the being you love most in this world has stepped to the side. And on your exhale you are sending that love out.That same love you’re sending it out, this time it is ricocheting and boomeranging in space, coming back to you to receive it.

So on your exhale, you’re sending that love out. The same love you were sending to the being you love most. And it is coming back to you on your inhale. As you inhale, you are receiving the love that you are sending out. And on your exhale, you are sending it out to be received back into you. 

And allow yourself to take a few breath cycles. You’re exhaling the love out and you’re inhaling it back in.

 I find it really helps to visualize it. So I like to see heart shaped confetti going out and rebounding in space, coming back inside of me and refilling me. 

Take a moment here to really notice how it feels to receive this much love and to receive it from yourself. Notice your capacity for your own love expanding.

Sometimes I like to put a hand on my heart and a hand on my belly so I can really feel my own love filling me from head to toe, every cell of my body, infused with my own love. 

And just take a moment to anchor this feeling in. And when you’re ready, open your eyes and just notice if the world looks even a little bit different.

Now, you may have felt this to be easy, you may have felt resistance, you may have felt tears streamed down your cheeks, you may have felt elation, you may have felt discomfort. There’s all sorts of things that may be alive in you. 

This like everything else, is a practice. We have to learn how to love ourselves.And this is one of the stepping stones that can support you in this process.

My wish for you is to return to this meditation as often as you can, as often as you want, as often as you need to. Once you have anchored in that feeling, you can actually return to it quite quickly. You can close your eyes for one minute and take yourself through a rapid version of this to give yourself a little bit of a booster shot,if you will. Or you can do an extended version. I often do that, as I said earlier, as I’m falling asleep. 

Thank you for joining me today in our exploration of reframing intimacy as self-love, first and foremost.And my wish for you is that you believe and know in your bones and blood how lovable you are. 

Thanks so much for listening to today’s episode.

Thanks so much for listening to today’s episode. If you loved what you heard, I’d be so grateful if you’d leave a review and share your experience. Even better follow this podcast so you never miss a new episode. And if you’d like some extra support or guidance, head over to my Transform Together Facebook group for an engaged community.

Where you can speak your truth, receive inspiration and ask for help as you navigate life’s journey, or visit my website, nancylevin.com, where you can find resources to help guide your path to reclaiming what’s truly important to you. Thanks again for joining me.