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Episode 88: Transcript


At any time, we can ask ourselves, what am I making this mean about me? What is the conclusion I’m drawing about myself? And then once we bring it into the light of day, once we make the unconscious conscious, we are able to shift it. 

Hi, and welcome to Your Permission Prescription. The podcast that teaches you how to confidently say “yes” to you and consciously create the life you desire. I’m Nancy Levin, best-selling author, master life coach, and founder of Levin Life Coach Academy. But it wasn’t too long ago that I was a burnt-out people-pleaser.

Living my life for everyone around me and ignoring my own needs.

Fast forward to today, and I’ve successfully coached thousands of recovering people-pleasers to set boundaries with themselves, and the people around them, so they can live a more fulfilling life on their own terms.

I created Your Permission Prescription to help you do the same. Be sure to tune in for actionable coaching methods, from me. Interviews with other incredible coaches, speakers and authors, plus one-on-one live coaching calls and so much more. If you’re ready to start saying yes to you, then you’re in the right place.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Permission Prescription.

Today I thought we’d explore the relationship between unconscious beliefs that were formed in childhood and the way we show up as adults in the world today. So, we’re all susceptible to beliefs that were embedded in us as children, whether we’re aware of them or not. And if these beliefs have us feeling negatively about ourselves and hold us back, we refer to them as limiting beliefs or shadow beliefs, since they reside in the shadows of our mind. 

Sometimes the beliefs installed in us as children are direct hearing from a parent, a caregiver or authority figure, something like, you are so stupid, you don’t deserve nice things, you’ll never amount to anything. Sometimes the beliefs instilled in us are very insidious. We drew certain conclusions about ourselves based on events and circumstances that didn’t even have anything to do with us.

So in other words, something likely occurred when we were very young that we were unable to process and digest so we made it mean something about us. We drew a conclusion about ourselves. 

So for example, you might have seen your parents fighting and you may have made it mean that you weren’t good enough. That’s why your parents were fighting. You drew a conclusion. And then that belief of I’m not good enough, informs what you do or don’t do. Even if you don’t consciously remember that you created this embedded belief based on what you saw and felt and heard. 

Ultimately, we’re left blaming ourselves for things that had nothing at all to do with us. This is why it’s really important to go backward in order to move forward.To look at everything through the lens of what did I make this mean about me? 

Now, one of the ways in which coaching and therapy differ is the way we utilize the past. In therapy, it’s standard to delve deeply into the past and spend a lot of time there. Therapy offers useful diagnoses to treat trauma and allows for healing and space and time without specific action.

Coaching, however, delves into the past as the springboard for the future. We’ll go digging in the past to see what has occurred and how it impacts us today in service of forward movement. So, coaching is about utilizing elements of the past and the present to create the future we most desire. Coaching requires commitment, accountability, and action. 

So back to beliefs. Beliefs are not facts, even if we relate to them as facts and even if they feel like facts. Beliefs are simply long held ideas about the way the world works and our role within it. 

So I am going to use myself as an example to support you in exploring the framework of shadow beliefs. How you can get to the bottom of your own embedded shadow belief. And I’ll be clear, we all have many shadow beliefs, not just one. 

Our shadow beliefs are very simplistic sounding. As I mentioned before, they can sound like, I’m not good enough, I’m not enough, I’m not worthy, I’m not lovable. So if we use me as an example in the framework, we’ll begin with what happened. 

So what happened is, I was born, my parents were focused on my ill older brother, but he died when I was two years old. What I made it mean, other people’s needs are more important than mine. The story I told myself, which ultimately becomes my limiting shadow belief, the conclusion that I drew is, I am not important. This belief held me back from asserting my own needs in my marriage and my career.

Now we want to take another perspective. A time this belief was proven untrue, getting divorced and quitting my job to start my own business. And the truth is, my new empowering belief is, my needs come first. So again, the story I told myself is, I am not important. The truth is, my needs come first. And then to anchor in the new empowering belief, that I as an adult am inputting into my operating system, I need an action. I need an action to anchor in the new belief to anchor in the truth. And my action is I meditate and journal each morning to stay in connection with my own needs and preferences. This is how I remind myself my needs come first and I am important. 

So this is really just the tip of the iceberg. It’s a way to get your juices stirring around how beliefs are formed, how we hold onto them, even if we don’t want to, even if we don’t quite remember or know where the beliefs came from and to begin a process of asking ourselves, what did I make that experience mean about me? What is the conclusion I drew? And we can use it consistently with the present moment. At any time, we can ask ourselves, what am I making this mean about me? What is the conclusion I’m drawing about myself? And then once we bring it into the light of day, once we make the unconscious conscious, we are able to shift it. 

I certainly hope that this has been helpful for you. And if you want to learn more, you can certainly check out my latest book, The Art of Change. It is a guided journal, Eight Weeks to Making a Meaningful Shift in Your Life. In the journal, I take you through eight dimensions of reinvention, and the third dimension is beliefs. So you will get to take your own deep dive into self-inquiry and self-discovery in order to shift what you believe. You can grab The Art of Change anywhere that you buy your books.

Thanks so much for listening to today’s episode. If you loved what you heard, I’d be so grateful if you’d leave a review and share your experience. Even better follow this podcast so you never miss a new episode. And if you’d like some extra support or guidance, head over to my Transform Together Facebook group for an engaged community.

Where you can speak your truth, receive inspiration and ask for help as you navigate life’s journey, or visit my website, nancylevin.com, where you can find resources to help guide your path to reclaiming what’s truly important to you. Thanks again for joining me.