Episode 254 Transcript: How to Reclaim Your Time, Energy, and Money
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Nancy Levin
Welcome back to the Nancy Levin Show. Today we are looking at the direct connection between boundaries and self-worth, and I think we can see this connection most clearly in three specific places: How you spend your time, how you spend your energy, and how you spend your money. So we’re looking at time, energy, and money.
These three areas tell the truth. They tell the truth about where you’re honoring yourself and they tell the truth about where you are still abandoning yourself. Because that’s what we’re really talking about here. We’re talking about self-abandonment. We’re talking about all the ways you leave yourself in order to keep the peace, in order to be loved, in order to avoid disappointing someone else in order to stay connected, in order to feel safe.
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And usually this doesn’t happen in one big dramatic moment. It happens in a series of small moments. The moment when you say yes, but your whole body means no. The moment you agree to something you don’t actually want to agree to. The moment you push past your limit and call it being strong. The moment you make someone else’s comfort more important than your own. That’s how self-abandonment happens over time. It has a cost. It costs you energy, it costs you clarity, it costs you self-trust, and it distances you from the truth of your own inherent worth. Not because your worth goes anywhere. Your worth is inherent.
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It doesn’t disappear. But when you keep leaving yourself, it becomes harder and harder to feel that worth from the inside. And that’s why this conversation matters so much, because boundaries are not just a behavior change.
Boundaries are the way back to yourself. They are the end of self-abandonment. And that’s why money also gets so tangled up in this, because money is never just money. Money is where self-worth gets revealed. Money is where your beliefs about value get exposed. What you think you deserve, what you think you’re allowed to ask for, what you think you have to tolerate, what you think you have to do to earn the right to receive.
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So if you are overgiving, undercharging, overexplaining, overextending, resentful, exhausted, avoiding hard conversations, afraid to ask for more… there is nothing wrong with you. But there is probably an old pattern running. A pattern that says, “I need to accommodate. I need to please. I need to keep everyone else okay. I need to earn love. I need to earn belonging. I need to earn rest. I need to earn my value.”
And I just wanna say right here, loud and clear: You do not need to earn what is already true. You are already worthy. So the work is not becoming worthy. The work is remembering. The work is reclaiming. The work is choosing to live in a way that reflects the worth that has always been there. And boundaries are one of the most powerful ways we do that.
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Because boundaries are not about controlling somebody else. And this is such an important distinction. A boundary is not telling someone else what they have to do. A boundary is not managing someone else’s behavior. It’s not an ultimatum. It’s not a demand. It’s not a way to get them to finally become who you need them to be.
A boundary is about you. A boundary is you saying, “This is what’s true for me. This is what works for me. This is what doesn’t work for me. This is what I’m available for. This is what I’m no longer available for. And this is what I will do to honor that truth.”
That is a boundary. So boundaries are not about control. They are about self-responsibility. They’re about being willing to know yourself, to know your capacity, to know your limits, to know your desire, to know your truth, and then to act in alignment with that truth.
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Whether or not anybody else understands, whether or not they approve, whether or not they like it. You don’t need anyone else’s buy-in for your boundary. This can be where the concept of boundaries can feel confronting, because what often comes up is not just the situation in front of you. What comes up is the identity you’ve built around being the one who is so accommodating. The one who is so reliable.The one who is giving. The one who is always there. The one who never asks for too much. The one who can carry it all. And if that identity has been your safety, boundaries can feel terrifying. Because boundaries disrupt that identity. Boundaries ask you to risk being seen differently.
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They ask you to tolerate disappointment. They ask you to tolerate misunderstanding. They ask you to tolerate not being the version of yourself other people may have grown comfortable with. That can feel really vulnerable. But vulnerability is not the same thing as wrongness. And this is where I want to bring in resentment, because resentment is such an important teacher.
If you wanna know where a boundary is needed, look at where you feel resentful. Resentful is such valuable data. Resentment is often telling you that you have crossed your own boundary. You said yes where you wanna say no. You agreed when you weren’t really available. You stayed quiet when you needed to speak. You overgave and underasked.
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You volunteered what later turned into bitterness about giving. That’s when you feel resentful: When you’ve crossed your own boundary. Because the truth is you are the only one who can cross your boundary. It’s not up to anyone else to uphold, honor, or respect the boundary that you set and you hold. And so resentment is often the after effect of an unspoken truth, an unexpressed need, an unclaimed desire, an uninhaled boundary. And it’s so important because so many people judge themselves for feeling resentful, but resentment is not telling you you’re a bad person. Resentment is telling you there’s something you need to pay attention to. Where are you out of alignment?
Where are you saying yes from guilt instead of truth?
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Where are you giving from obligation instead of willingness? Where are you still trying to earn love or approval by abandoning yourself? Because that’s the real inquiry here. Every boundary begins with truth. And if you are not telling yourself the truth, you won’t be able to tell anyone else.
And so this is where it begins. What is true for me? What do I actually want? What do I no longer want? What am I pretending to be okay with? What am I tolerating that’s no longer tolerable? This is where boundaries begin. Knowing your limits internally, self-honesty. That self-honesty is an act of self-responsibility. Boundaries are not a way to get everyone else to cooperate with you.
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Boundaries are not about waiting for someone else to change. Boundaries are about you deciding what you will do. What you will say yes to. What you will say no to. What you will continue participating in. What you will no longer participate in. This is your power. This is why boundaries strengthen self-trust. Because every time you honor your own, “No,” every time you tell the truth, every time you stop overriding yourself, every time you choose not to abandon yourself, you build trust with yourself. Self-trust is everything. Because when self-trust grows, you no longer need approval from outside of you.
You become less dependent on being chosen because you’re choosing yourself. You become less dependent on permission because you’re giving it to yourself.
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You’re no longer waiting for someone else to validate you and your reality. And that brings us right into self-worth because your self-worth is inherent. You just need to become willing to be worthy. Worth isn’t earned. It’s not achieved. It’s not granted once you’ve suffered enough or accomplished enough or perfected yourself enough. It is inherent. You were born worthy. You are worthy right now, this minute listening, and you’ll remain worthy. Yet so many of us have spent our lives living as though worth is conditional.
Conditional on being productive enough, helpful enough, sacrificing enough, attractive enough, chosen enough, wanted enough, successful enough. And when you live that way, your whole life becomes organized around proving. proving that you matter.
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Proving that you belong. Proving that you deserve to take up space. Proving that you are enough. But the exhausting thing about proving is that it never ends. Because if your worth is something you believe you have to earn, then no amount of evidence will ever finally settle it. There will always be one more thing to do, one more thing to achieve, one more way to improve, one more person to please, one more standard to meet.
And that is why inherent worth matters so much. Because inherent worth ends the proving game. It shifts the question from, “How do I become worthy?” to “What am I willing to no longer do now that I already know I am worthy?” And this changes everything. Because once you really begin to live from inherent worth, your choices start to change.
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You stop accepting less than what is true. You stop negotiating against yourself. You stop making your needs optional. You stop trying so hard to make everyone else comfortable at your own expense. Not because you become hard, but because you become anchored. And this shows up so clearly, especially around money, because money is one of the places where your worth set point gets revealed.
Money reflects what you believe. You can ask for what you believe you deserve, what you believe you have to settle for, what you believe you have to tolerate in order to stay connected or approved of. So if you tend to undercharge, overdeliver, hesitate to ask for more, feel guilty receiving, avoid looking at your finances.
If you stay in financial agreements that do not honor you.
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If you discount yourself before anyone else can. There’s something deeper here. And the deeper question is not, “What should I charge?” or “How do I make more money?” The deeper question is, “What am I believing about my value?” And am I waiting for someone else to confirm what I already know? Am I making myself smaller so I can feel safer? Am I softening my ask so I won’t risk rejection? Am I confusing self-sacrifice with goodness? Am I still trying to earn my right to receive?
Because this is where the shift happens. Money asks you to look at what you believe you’re allowed to receive, and that is vulnerable. Especially if you’ve learned that wanting more is selfish, or that being direct is too much, or that asking clearly will cost you love.
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But here’s the deal. Wanting fair exchange is self-honoring. Wanting reciprocity is self-honoring. Wanting compensation that reflects your value, self-honoring. Wanting support, self-honoring.
And so much of this comes down to permission. Have you given yourself permission to want what you want? Have you given yourself permission to have limits? Have you given yourself permission to say no? Have you given yourself permission to disappoint someone else if that’s what it takes to stop disappointing yourself?
This is a big one. Because so many people are deeply afraid of disappointing others. If your identity has been built around being the one who is always helpful, available, easy, selfless, reliable, then disappointing somebody can feel devastating.
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It can feel like you’ve done something wrong. It can feel like you’re no longer good. It can feel like you’re risking connection itself. So I never wanna dismiss how deep that goes. People-pleasing is a deeply ingrained behavior, and it’s often a survival strategy. At some point, pleasing for sure helped you stay safe. It helped you avoid conflict. It helped you stay connected. It helped you secure love or approval.
But what once protected you now imprisons you. Because the cost of people-pleasing is self-abandonment. And eventually you have to ask, “What is it costing me to keep making sure everyone else is comfortable while I disappear?” Because that’s the cost. You disappear.
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Maybe you still look capable, maybe you still look successful, maybe you still look generous. But inside, you’re disappearing from yourself.
Boundaries are how you begin to reappear, first to yourself and then everyone else. So yes, people may be disappointed. And their disappointment does not mean you’re wrong. Their reaction does not determine the validity of your boundary. Someone else’s discomfort is not proof that you should override yourself, because the bottom line here is that your truth does not need validation in order to be true. It needs your willingness to stand in it. And that’s what we’re talking about here.
So we wanna clean out every place where you’ve made yourself smaller, every place where you’ve discounted your own experience, every place where you’ve accepted less than what you know is true.
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Every place where you have prioritized somebody else’s comfort over your reality. This is
not about negotiating your value, because your value is yours. And you simply get to stand in: Am I willing to tell the truth? Am I willing to request what reflects my value? Am I willing to hear no and still remain anchored in my worth? Am I willing to stop collapsing just because someone else is uncomfortable?
This is the real practice. This is about becoming present, becoming honest, and becoming self-responsible. Remember, your boundaries are between you and you. You set and hold your boundaries. Your boundaries do not need to be expressed or verbalized since you are the one holding the boundary.
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Your boundaries are about becoming present, becoming honest, and becoming self responsible. Becoming willing to remain connected to yourself no matter what is happening around you. That is your power.
And so what I really wanna leave you with today is this. You do not have to earn the right to choose yourself. You do not have to become more healed, more productive, more successful, more certain, more selfless, more anything before you are allowed to honor what is true for you. Give yourself permission right now to have needs, to have limits, to want more, to say no, to change your mind, to tell the truth.
Give yourself permission to be in relationships and work and financial realities that are actually reflecting your own value.
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The more you practice your boundaries, the more you build self-trust. The more you build self-trust, the more naturally you begin to live from your worth. And the more you live from your worth, the less willing you are to abandon yourself. And that’s the shift.
You will look at the relationships that only stay in place because you cross your boundaries in order to be in them. And that’s the shift. This is not about becoming someone else. This is about coming home to yourself.
If you are listening and recognizing yourself in this. If the overgiving, the resentment, the under-receiving, the struggle to tell the truth, the longing to stop abandoning yourself, I invite you to join me for Reignite Your Spark.
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This is a five-day, free experience that I designed to reconnect you with your truth, your desires, your voice, with the part of you that knows there’s another way.
This is not about fixing yourself, this is about remembering yourself. You can join at nancylevin.com/spark, completely free. Five days, five emails, five short videos, five short prompts for you to do to reconnect to you.
Join me at nancylevin.com/spark and I’ll see you in your inbox. As we close, I’m gonna share one more time. You do not need to prove your worth. You only need to stop negotiating against it. I’m so glad you decided to join me today. I’ll be back here with you again next week, and in the meantime, thank you for being willing to choose you.