Episode 252 Transcript: How to Reclaim Your Power: Stop Using These 3 Words

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Nancy Levin

Welcome back to The Nancy Levin Show. I invite you to consider how often you say the words I have to. I have to finish this project. I have to call my friend. I have to go to this event. I have to deal with this situation. Most of us say these three words dozens of times a day, and yet we rarely stop to ask ourselves what those words are actually doing to us.

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Because every time you say I have to, you are quietly reinforcing a belief. The belief that you are trapped. The belief that you do not have a choice. That your life is something happening to you rather than something you are actively participating in. And what if I told you that one small shift in language could begin giving you your power back immediately?

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Today we’re going to explore how these three simple words might be stealing your power and how changing them can transform the way you experience your life. So if you have ever felt trapped by your circumstances, overwhelmed by obligations, or quietly resentful of the responsibilities you carry, then this episode may open a new doorway for you. Because today we are talking about that phrase that most of us say without thinking.

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A phrase that sounds harmless, but can quietly disconnect us from our power. And that phrase is, “I have to.” So think about how often you use this phrase daily. I have to stay late at work. I have to clean the house. I have to plan this trip. I have to deal with this problem. I have to handle everything. It sounds benign, but “I have to” carries a message.

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It says, “I do not have a choice. Someone else is in control. Life is dictating my actions.” And when we live inside that language, something happens internally: resentment grows, energy drops, motivation fades because the human spirit resists feeling trapped. And yet many of us unknowingly reinforce that feeling every single day with the language that we use. So let’s try something simple.

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Instead of saying, “I have to stay up late and finish this project,” you can say, “I get to be flexible with my work schedule.” Instead of saying, “I have to call my friend,” you can say, “I get to connect with my friend.” Instead of saying, “I have to plan this trip,” you can say, “I get to travel and explore.”

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Notice what happens when you say “I get to,” instead of “I have to.” The circumstance has not changed, but your relationship to this circumstance has changed. “I have to” creates resistance. “I get to” creates appreciation and curiosity. And appreciation and curiosity reconnect us to choice. So you might be thinking, “Okay Nancy, that works with easy things. But what about the hard things?”

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What about the situation where it really feels like there’s no choice? I have to stay in this relationship. I have to be the one who holds everything together. I have to keep the peace. I have to take care of everyone else. This is where the deeper shift comes in. And instead of saying, “I have to,” we are going to move into something more honest, which is: “I agreed to.”

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So instead of saying,”I have to stay in this relationship,” the shift is, “I have agreed to stay in this relationship.” Instead of, “I have to hold everything together,” the shift is, “I agreed to be the one holding everything together.” And instead of, “I have to keep the peace,”… “I’ve agreed to keep the peace.” Pause here to really notice the difference, because something powerful here is happening.

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This is how we move from victimhood and blame into responsibility and empowerment. There was a moment in my life when this shift became very real for me. It happened during my divorce. At the time, I found myself repeating over and over I had to give him the house. I had to give him the money. I had to agree to these terms.

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And every time I told that story, I felt powerless. Like something had been taken from me, like life had forced me into a situation I didn’t want. I told myself again and again I had no choice. And then one day I caught myself saying I had to give him, and something inside of me stopped, because the truth was something very different.

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The truth was not that I had to. The truth was that I agreed to. No one forced my hand onto those papers. No one made me sign. I sat there. I held the pen. And I said yes. I signed the agreement. I agreed to give him what he received in the divorce. And when I allowed myself to say that out loud, “I agreed to give him,” I stopped telling the story that I was powerless.

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Instead, I recognized that I had made a choice. Now, let me be clear. It wasn’t an easy choice. And I would even go so far as to say that at the time I made the choice, I thought it was the only choice. I did not have the self-confidence or the sense of self-worth to stand up for myself and say no.

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So I said yes. It didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel fair. But it was a choice I made. And recognizing that gave me my power back. Because if I agreed, then I can actually learn how to choose differently in the future. And that realization was incredibly liberating. Most of us cling to this phrase “I had to” because it protects us.

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If we had to, then we’re not responsible. If we had to, then we do not have to face the fear that shaped the decision. But the moment we say, “I choose to, I agreed to, I get to,” we step into responsibility. And responsibility is not punishment. Responsibility is freedom, because responsibility reconnects us with our authenticity and our alignment.

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So before we continue here, I want to share something with you. If this conversation is stirring something inside of you, if you’re recognizing places in your life where you’ve been operating from obligation, where you have been saying, “I have to.” Where you may have lost connection with your own sense of desire and worth and value, I want you to know you’re not alone.

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So many people reach a moment in life where they realize they’ve been living according to expectations, responsibilities, and agreements they made a long time ago without ever stopping to ask themselves what they truly want now. And this is exactly why I created Reignite Your Spark. This is a free, five day challenge. A completely free experience where over the course of five days, I guide you through powerful exercises and reflections designed to help you reconnect with yourself, your truth, and your sense of possibility.

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Inside the challenge, we explore how to reconnect with what lights you up, how to recognize the invisible agreements shaping your life, and how to begin making choices that align with who you’re becoming. So again, if this is resonating with you, join me at nancylevin.com/spark. It’s completely free. And I will see you in your inbox.

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Okay, moving on. I want to invite you here into a moment of reflection. Think about a situation in your life where you consistently say, “I have to do.” Maybe it’s your job, maybe it’s a relationship, maybe it’s a family role that you carry. Now ask yourself a different question: “What agreement did I make here?” Even if the agreement was unconscious, even if it was made years ago, even if it was made out of fear, there was still a moment when you participated.

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And recognizing that participation is the first step toward reclaiming your power. Recognizing your agreements does not mean you have to change everything immediately. You do not need to burn your life down. You do not need to make a dramatic decision tomorrow. Your work begins with awareness, because once you recognize the agreements you’ve made, you also recognize that agreements can change. And that awareness alone opens the door to freedom.

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So here’s a simple experiment to run for the next week. Every time you catch yourself saying, “I have to,” replace it with one of these phrases: I get to, I choose to. I agreed to. Notice what happens. Notice what shifts in your body. Notice how resentment softens. Language shapes the story we tell ourselves about our lives, and the story we tell about ourselves shapes our experience of our reality.

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Because you are not trapped as you may believe. Many of the circumstances in your life exist because of the agreements you made, some conscious, some unconscious, some made from love, and some made from fear. But agreements are not permanent. They are choices. And choices can evolve. So the next time you hear yourself saying, “I have to,” pause and remember this: You are not powerless.

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You are the author of your own life. And authors always have the ability to write a new chapter. So thank you so much for spending this time with me today. If this episode has resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. Your insights and reflections mean so much to me. And if you know someone who might benefit from this message, please share this episode with them.

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Until next time, remember you are worthy of your choices. You are worthy of your voice. You are worthy of writing your own story. You can always join me for the Reignite Your Spark five day challenge to connect with your desires and take action to move forward at nancylevin.com/spark. Once again, it is completely free. I will show up in your inbox for five days with a little video and an exercise and a great little workbook, and it’s all for you, so I look forward to seeing you inside Reignite Your Spark and back here again next week.