Episode 243 Transcript: People-Pleasing, Self-Abandonment, and 3 Ways to Heal Your Connection
00:00:03:03 – 00:00:33:27
Nancy Levin
Welcome back to The Nancy Levin Show. I’m really glad you’re here. Today we are diving into some of the quiet, painful patterns that keep us stuck. And more importantly, how we can begin to dissolve them. And so this episode is about something I see in nearly every client I work with. And it’s the feeling of living on autopilot, of just going through the motions, checking the boxes, doing all the things but feeling numb inside.
00:00:34:01 – 00:01:06:08
Nancy Levin
And maybe you know this place intimately. You wake up and even before your feet hit the floor, the pressure starts. You’re moving, doing, performing, serving, achieving. But underneath it all there’s a silent ache. When did I stop feeling? When did I stop wanting? When did I lose the map to my own desires? And that disconnection, that emotional exile from yourself, it isn’t your fault.
00:01:06:10 – 00:01:37:00
Nancy Levin
It is a survival strategy. It’s a response to a life that hasn’t made space for your truth. And the good news is you can come back. And so today I’m going to walk you through how we’re going to explore what it really means to go from numb to knowing, from appeasing others to allowing yourself, from avoidance to aligned action.
00:01:37:03 – 00:02:05:03
Nancy Levin
And so if you have been feeling stuck or invisible or overwhelmed or like you’re running a life that doesn’t even feel like your own, this episode is for you. So let’s talk about this numb feeling first. It doesn’t always look like pain. In fact, numbness can look a lot like productivity. Like you’ve got it all together. Like you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing.
00:02:05:05 – 00:02:39:13
Nancy Levin
But under the surface, there’s a quiet void. There’s a lack of spark. There’s a sense that you’re living someone else’s life or no life at all. And numbing can show up in ways you don’t even notice at first. The scroll through your phone when things feel too hard. The to-do list you hide behind to avoid being still. The over-caregiving. The overworking so you never have to ask for what you actually need.
00:02:39:14 – 00:03:02:15
Nancy Levin
And here’s the thing. We tell ourselves that this is just a season. This is just a stressful time. This is just what life demands right now. But truthfully, many of us are living in chronic disconnection. And the good news is that the return to your self doesn’t require a complete overhaul. It begins with one small moment of awareness.
00:03:02:17 – 00:03:40:17
Nancy Levin
Where am I abandoning myself? Where have I gone numb? And then. what am I ready to feel again? Because beneath that numbness, your desires are right there. They’re waiting. They’re not gone. They’re just buried. And the moment you’re willing to feel and to listen and to get curious instead of compliant, that’s when your direction starts to return. That’s when the spark flickers back.
00:03:40:17 – 00:04:09:16
Nancy Levin
And if today’s conversation is stirring something inside of you, if you are starting to realize that there’s a deeper truth you’re ready to honor, if you’re ready to bring your desires into fruition, I invite you to take a powerful next step with me. I’ve created Reignite Your Spark. This is a five day free experience designed to help you do exactly what we’re talking about today so you can get off autopilot.
00:04:09:20 – 00:04:44:26
Nancy Levin
You will find everything you need at nancylevin.com/spark. In just 15 minutes a day, you will be able to reconnect with a version of yourself you have been keeping dormant. Every day you’re going to receive an email from me with a short video and a prompt and some coaching insights, and you’re going to get a workbook to track your process. And you’re going to be able to dive into the deep work, to the real stuff here.
00:04:44:29 – 00:05:12:28
Nancy Levin
You’re going to be able to listen to your heart. This is the kind of work that brings your outer life into alignment with your inner life. And because your desires are not random, they’re roadmaps, they’re waiting to be followed. No longer ignored. And we need to do this today, not some day. So I invite you to join me at nancylevin.com/spark and let’s reignite your spark together.
00:05:13:00 – 00:05:42:10
Nancy Levin
So let’s talk about one of the biggest barriers to reconnecting with your own desires. And this is people-pleasing. And this is a quiet identity that many of us carry without even realizing it. Maybe you were the responsible one, the helpful one, the peacemaker, the achiever, the caregiver. You learned that love was conditional.
00:05:42:12 – 00:06:26:28
Nancy Levin
And you learned that you were safest when you made others comfortable, happy, proud, or impressed. And you became a master at shapeshifting, a chameleon. You read the room, and you sensed what others needed and delivered it flawlessly. But here’s what I want to say gently but clearly. People pleasing is self abandonment. When your choices are driven by your need to keep other people happy, you slowly lose access to what you want and what you feel and what you know.
00:06:27:00 – 00:06:57:28
Nancy Levin
And here is the heartbreaking part. Many of us feel guilt or shame, even thinking about putting ourselves first. We’ve been taught that wanting something for ourselves is selfish. That needing space or rest or freedom is indulgent. That saying no is rude. And so instead of asking, “What do I want?” We ask, “What will they think?” And instead of living our truth, we live our role.
00:06:58:00 – 00:07:30:19
Nancy Levin
But what if you gave yourself permission to want what you want? What if desire wasn’t something to hide or justify, but something sacred to honor? So here’s the shift. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to not explain yourself. You are allowed to want more. Not because what you have right now is bad or not even enough, but because your soul is asking to expand.
00:07:30:21 – 00:08:10:03
Nancy Levin
Desire is not a problem. It is a compass. And permission doesn’t come from anybody else. It comes from you. So we have to get underneath this and talk about the everyday ways we avoid ourselves. You probably already know what your own avoidant strategies are. The way you turn to numbness. Maybe it is the mindless scroll on Instagram or TikTok or email and then in a loop. Maybe it’s throwing yourself into work where productivity becomes protection.
00:08:10:09 – 00:08:45:10
Nancy Levin
Maybe it’s obsessively organizing or caretaking or perfecting. So you don’t just sit still with yourself. Maybe it’s eating when you’re not even hungry, or over-exercising, or mindless late night shopping. We all have our versions. Believe me, even me. And here’s the thing. None of these behaviors are “fact.” They’re adaptive. They’ve helped you manage pain. They’ve helped you manage overwhelm and uncertainty.
00:08:45:12 – 00:09:11:07
Nancy Levin
So we’re not making them wrong or shaming them. But let’s not mistake all of those actions for a life either. Avoidance isn’t just about what you’re doing. It’s about what you’re missing. You’re missing your voice. You’re missing your insight. You’re missing your knowing. You’re missing your power. So how do we begin to shift out of avoidance and back into agency?
00:09:11:10 – 00:09:45:11
Nancy Levin
I’m going to give you some simple, grounded tools that will help you move forward without bypassing your truth or bulldozing your feelings. So the first is to pause before you reach. When you feel the urge to scroll or fix or busy yourself, or eat, pause, ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” More importantly, “What am I trying not to feel?”
00:09:45:13 – 00:10:15:29
Nancy Levin
And how can I stay with myself right here, right now to feel and deal with whatever it is I am avoiding? You’re not trying to stop the behavior. You’re trying to insert awareness. And that awareness is the very beginning of choice. Because when we go on autopilot, when we go into these avoidance strategies and behaviors, really what’s happening is we don’t want to feel or deal.
00:10:16:01 – 00:10:45:29
Nancy Levin
But what happens when we shed some light onto what it is we are avoiding? The second thing is to choose one honest next step. So not ten steps, not the whole plan. Just one honest, aligned micro-move. Maybe that means texting a friend you trust. Journaling about what you’re avoiding. Turning your phone off for 20 minutes and just being with your breath.
00:10:46:01 – 00:11:20:15
Nancy Levin
That one honest step builds momentum and self-trust. And the third is creating a reconnection ritual for yourself. It doesn’t need to be long. It doesn’t need to be hard. It can be five minutes a day. It can be putting a hand on your heart and breathing. It can be lighting a candle and meditating. It can be journaling and asking yourself, “What is the love I need today?”
00:11:20:17 – 00:11:51:18
Nancy Levin
Not what do I need to do, but what do I need for my own sense of connection and nourishment and nurturance? You might be surprised by what you hear when you stop performing and start really listening. And these tools are simple. They’re meant to be disrupters of old patterns. They bring you back into choice, into clarity, and into conscious connection with yourself.
00:11:51:18 – 00:12:22:04
Nancy Levin
Because you are not broken. You’re just disconnected. And disconnection can be healed. So I know you’re ready for something different. Not in a frantic, must change my life today kind of way. But in a grounded, I’m coming home to myself kind of way. You’re not here for more hustle. You’re here for more truth. So let’s integrate what we’ve been exploring today.
00:12:22:10 – 00:12:51:28
Nancy Levin
You’ve learned that numbing and autopilot are not failures. They’re signs of disconnection. And now you have the awareness to gently interrupt them. You’ve seen how people-pleasing and guilt and shame have been running the show, and how giving yourself permission to want what you want changes everything. And you’ve started to notice every day avoidance habits, the ones that keep you from your desires.
00:12:52:00 – 00:13:23:07
Nancy Levin
And how simple tools like pausing, choosing one honest step forward and creating a daily reconnection ritual can bring you back into alignment. And so here’s what I’m going to leave you with. Your desires are not reckless. Your needs are not too much. Your truth is not inconvenient. They’re invitations. They’re sacred signals pointing you back to your wholeness. You don’t need to escape the life that you’re living.
00:13:23:10 – 00:13:46:21
Nancy Levin
You just need to start living it from the inside out. So just start with one breath. With one beat. With one step. One brave move toward what matters most. You’ve got this. And as always, I’m going to remind you, you never have to do any of this alone.