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Episode 160 Transcript: Inside of Your Inner Eclipse

Courtney: When was the last time you spent money on your heart? For me, it had been way too long. This was my opportunity to say, you know what? I’m stuck. I’m stuck. Like I’m not doing what I know I’m meant to do. I don’t even know what that is. And I gave myself permission to make it about me. And giving myself that okay to say, you know what? I’m freaking worth being not stuck anymore.Let’s invest in myself and do this thing. And God, I’m glad I did. 

Nancy: Welcome to the Nancy Levin Show. I’m Nancy Levin, Founder of Levin Life Coach Academy, best-selling author, master coach, and your host. I help overachieving people pleasers set boundaries that stick and own self-worth, anchored in empowered action, so you can feel free. Plus, if you’re an aspiring or current coach, you are in the right place. Join me each week for coaching and compelling conversations designed to support you in the spotlight, as you take center stage of your own life. Let’s dive in.

Nancy: Welcome back to the Nancy Levin show. Today you are going to hear from three wonderful and amazing people about their own personal experience inside of my newest group coaching program,Your Inner Eclipse. So this is your opportunity to hear from three people whose lives shifted significantly in eight weeks due to the work we did together. You’re going to hear from Katrina and Isaac and Courtney. And as you’re listening, imagine what will be possible for you when you are willing to devote yourself to discovering the tremendous gifts that you’ve been hiding. Imagine what’s possible for you when you shine a light in the darkness inside yourself and retrieve the gold and harness its power. That is what we do together in Your Inner Eclipse group coaching experience and enrollment is open right now. For the next cohort, go to nancylevin.com/eclipse for all the details. And now I invite you to listen in to my conversations with Katrina, Isaac and Courtney. 

Nancy: Hi Katrina. 

Katrina: Hi lovely.

Nancy: I’m so happy that you agreed to join me here on the podcast to share about your experience in Your Inner Eclipse, my eight week group coaching shadow work program.

Katrina I’m excited. I’m excited to talk. 

Nancy: So what had you say yes to diving in the deep end and saying yes to you? 

Katrina: So first I think I had the luxury of meeting you in person, right at an event. And so immediately I was gravitated to you. Like, you’re so magnetic and you just draw people in and you’re my kind of people. So that was an easy like yes part to it. But as far as the work goes. I think for quite a while, I’ve been trying to do the personal development instead of just business development. And even though I was jumping in more to business oriented programs and groups, and I think I was hoping I would get some kind of personal development to help me get over, like, roadblocks and, you know, imposter syndrome stuff and, you know, all those other kind of, like, personal things versus business challenges. And so I was thinking, I feel like in retrospect now, that I was looking for a lot of that personal development through the group programs, the business programs, that I was investing in, and they just weren’t providing it right. And I was at this point in life where I was like, I need to, like, figure some things out for myself, figure out, like, what’s frustrating me, like, what’s holding me back from some things. And then you just miraculously appeared, and you introduced me to this whole idea of shadow work. And I was like, yes. Like, it just. It just makes sense. Like, when somebody explains it to you, what it is, you’re like, yes. Like, I have all those things about. I do that. Like, what? Oh, my gosh. There’s a whole nother side to me that’s hiding. And so as soon as you kind of introduced me to your work, it was just like It was an easy hell, yes. Yeah, I love it. 

Nancy: So I’m curious to hear what you notice are the big shifts you’ve experienced by diving into this work. 

Katrina: I think for me, probably the biggest one is I am. I’ve shifted far more to responding versus reacting. And so I’m less. I’m going to use the term quick triggered. That’s maybe not the right way to describe it, but when I notice myself being triggered by something, there’s this new knowledge that I have to be like, Katrina, take a second to pause what’s actually happening here.What’s, like, what is manifesting for you? And then I choose to respond. And so there’s a more keen awareness, I think, to what’s happening around me and how I choose to respond to it versus just kind of operating on default is maybe a good analogy for it. Yeah. So it’s been. It’s been so incredibly helpful for relationships, just in communication, you know, with my partner, with my family, with even clients and friends. Like, it’s kind of spilled over to everything. 

And I know when you and I first talked a lot, I think kind of to your first question, one of the reasons that I think I gravitated to your program specifically was, you talked about how it was really transformational with the relationships, especially with your mother. Right. And there’s history with my mother. There’s tension and friction in my relationship with my mother. So I was really wanting to answer that. And so I think that was my catalyst for being like, ooh, Nancy can help me deal with that strife between my relationship with my mother and I, because I do want it to improve. And then it just became so much more. And I know we’ve talked about this, like, the work has involved the relationship around me and my mom so minimally, in a good way.

Nancy: Right.

Katrina Because it’s, like, so much bigger than that. And so the benefit has just spilled over to every relationship, including my relationship with my mom. So, you know, I can go out to dinner now with my mom and not get triggered by what she says and be able to say, like, that’s not about me, that’s about her. I can only control myself, like, and just have a really different perspective of things. But I think it is. Is that, like, acute awareness of what’s happening around you, but what’s also happening within me to the things that are happening around me? 

Nancy: Absolutely. I mean, I think, you know, our. Our impulse is to blame someone else for our experience to, you know, sort of be a martyr or be a victim. And what I especially love about shadow work is that it really invites us to take ownership, step into responsibility, and therefore we feel empowered.

Katrina: Yeah. Yeah. And I think, too, it’s that idea of, like, to, like, the idea of, you know, taking responsibility. I think we’re always looking to fix the other thing, whatever it is. So, like, I. You know, I used to look at things and be like, why doesn’t my mom change? Why doesn’t Kyle, my partner, do this? Why? And it’s so not about that. It’s about doing the inner work and realizing, like, okay, this is bringing up this in me and then being able to kind of trail back the story as to why that’s something that triggers you or why you react a certain way or why you discredit that emotion or that, you know, that quality. And so it’s been just eye opening. 

Nancy: And I know for myself, I have felt such an extreme sense of freedom in doing this work because I know that I can control only myself. So I. Not expending all this extra energy trying to manage somebody else, and I am really no longer having to hide parts of myself which frees up so much energy.

Katrina: Yeah. And I think for me, the freedom, it’s around that kind of permission to be the person I am. I think that’s where the freedom means for me, is that I am prone to berate myself. I am prone to feel guilt and shame when I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do. When I take a Saturday on the couch, instead of getting caught up on work or things like that, I am definitely the person that, along with any other kind of big situation or something, I berate myself. I guilt myself. I shame myself. I’m my own worst enemy in many cases. And so this work has allowed me to put a different lens on it and be like, you’re not being lazy specifically. This is a moment of self care. If your body and mind are telling you you need a Saturday on the couch, that’s okay. It’s okay to be lazy and productive. 

Nancy: Yeah. I mean, that right there, I think, is everything. To be able to come to the place of knowing I am lazy and I am productive, the both/and of it all, instead of the either/or, so that we do not have to banish these parts of ourselves anymore.

Katrina: Yeah, you did. You do. Or you did the free workshop leading into the eight week program. And that was a piece that you said the kind of the and versus the one or the other. And that I think was in that workshop probably like the biggest. Like, aha. That I had that even made it like a. Yep, definitely need to do this work. That idea, though, that you can be lazy and productive, or you can be kind and judgmental, and it’s not, oh, I’m super kind, and I’m going to overcompensate in being this massive people pleaser to hide the fact that I can be a judgy person at some perspective or in certain situations. And so that idea of being able to accept maybe that those sides of myself that in past I didn’t like and I wanted to ignore existed, now it’s like, okay, cool, I’m judgy in this moment, and maybe I can figure out why. And I can kind of do the little exercise of figuring out, like, okay, where does this come from? Why am I being triggered for this? And have that conversation with myself versus just being like, you’re not judgy, Katrina, you’re not. It’s not serving me I’ve learned. 

Nancy: Right, right. And so for anyone listening who’s on the fence deciding, you know, maybe I want to do this, maybe I don’t. What invitation do you have for them? 

Katrina: I’m going to kind of echo an invitation, I think, that you make very often. And it’s to get curious and to just really want to learn about your whole self and be open minded to the fact that these, these aspects of yourself are not negative, that we’ve made them become negative. And it doesn’t need to be that way. And once you do that work and you identify those things, like, it really is liberating to be able to just sit with who you are. And I also think, too, like, the work doesn’t end as we’ve also talked about before. So, but once you have kind of the tools in your toolkit to understand shadow work, you can pretty much apply it to everything. Right. And work and personal relationships in solo time. And it just helps you level up in a different way that I don’t think other programs, you know, I’m going to use the term self help personal development. Like, all those types of things, this, I think a lot of things kind of more are about, like, hacking life, quick win tips, whereas this is actually, like, truly about doing the deep inner work and learning to love and accept yourself for all of the pieces of yourself and your story from behind.

Like, from the past of understanding. I discredit judgy because my grandmother was incredibly judgy and whatever that story is, but being able to kind of just own it and be proud of it and understand how it served me and then now how I can, you know, move forward accepting that part of my story and myself.  So, yeah, get curious and don’t be scared of it because it’s actually, like, so incredibly liberating.

Nancy: Katrina, thank you. 

Katrina:My pleasure. 

Nancy: Yes, thank you for your endorsement and thank you for sharing yourself. 

Katrina: Lifetime advocate here, my friend. 

Nancy: Hi, it’s Nancy interrupting my own show. I’ve got a lot of exciting things coming up in 2024, including a brand new book plus a group coaching opportunity, unlike anything else I have ever offered before. To make sure you are in the know, pop on over to my website now and sign up for my free weekly newsletter at nancylevin.com/newsletter so you don’t miss a thing. Okay, back to the show. 

Nancy: Hi, Isaac. 

Isaac: Hello, Nancy. 

Nancy: Thank you so much for joining me here on the podcast. 

Isaac: Thank you for having me. 

Nancy: My pleasure. I first want to hear from you. What had you say yes to diving into the Your Inner Eclipse group coaching on shadow work? 

Isaac: Well, I met you at the first Books & Business event and had the pleasure of sitting next to you, and I don’t think that was on accident, we sat next to each other, and it was just like, love. And I was like, man, I love what Nancy is up to. And then I started asking you more about shadow work because I didn’t know what shadow work was. And I’d heard about it before, but it seemed a little bit kind of mystical, and I thought it sounded interesting, but maybe not something I would be interested in. And then we started talking, and I was like, this is what’s missing in my life, because I immediately started to think about and identify those pieces of my life that I had rejected. And it really struck me as we were talking there that there was so much more that I needed to do in that area. And so through the conversation that ensued, it was an opportunity to join you personally in this work, which is crazy, by the way, that you even do this small groups. And as soon as I knew that was available, I was in. And then I think six or seven of my friends were in within 48 hours, because it was like, I’m doing this. You need to do this. Absolutely. This would be a no brainer. So it’s been such a cool journey. 

Nancy: I know. And you put out the rally cry and people responded, and it was extraordinary to have you and the people that you brought into the group. So, yes, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. 

Isaac: That was such a gift, because those are people. I love all those people, and I’ve gotten so much great feedback from them, both during the session and then afterwards, you know, about how life changing it was and how grateful they are for you and how grateful they were to me that I just even introduced them to that at the time. So it’s been a beautiful thing. 

Nancy: So I’m curious to hear a bit about how you have seen your life change, shift. What have you noticed in the time that we were doing the program and post?

Isaac: During the program, honestly, it felt a little overwhelming at first because I was like, what did I get myself into? It’s so confronting. And at first, I was experiencing a lot of resistance. I was looking at my answers to things and going, I don’t even like that I identify that way. So the first couple of weeks were a lot of resistance, and then as I faced that and started to actually do the work, I was like, ooh, this kind of hurts in a good way. This feels really good to purge those things out and, um, do the healing. And after that, it was like, okay, I just need this in my life, you know, going forward. And so it was interesting to see the things, though, that are blind spots, because some of them we just don’t want to see. And it’s been such a gift to have you personally working with us on the calls through that, because I don’t know that I would have ever recognized those things just on my own. Right. I was so in denial of some of these, and they’re obviously the biggest ones. They’re the ones we most need to deal with, that we least want to look at. And so having you there to gently and gracefully guide us through that process and ask the questions we may not be willing to ask ourselves and say the things we may not want to tell ourselves has been a real gift. And so I’m far from done with shadow work. As you know, that doesn’t ever end. If you’re listening, it’s not like, oh, eight weeks, and you’re done, and there’s no more shadow. But, like, anything that I want to spend my life on going forward, it’s an ongoing process and journey, and I want to just spend my life getting better and getting to know myself more. And with the courage project, which is my big thing right now, it’s all about getting to know who you really are and choosing yourself. And I don’t know how you do that without shadow work. 

Nancy: I agree in terms of the resistance, and I’m so glad that you mentioned that, because I think that is a really natural impulse to sort of, you know, it’s kind of like you want to look with, like, your hands over your eyes. 

Isaac: Right!

Nancy:  And sometimes it is really befriending our resistance, honoring our resistance, and allowing it to be there even as we are willing to look within. And I’m curious to hear what you would say was the gold that you took away. Because the way I always look at it is our shadow contains these treasures, these hidden treasures, that we have not given ourselves access to. So what do you now have access to that you didn’t before?

Isaac: I have access to being selfish, and I know. 

Nancy: I love it. 

Isaac: Just talking about that. And it’s interesting because concurrently, there’s so much that’s been going on in my life this last few months, and alongside of the work that I was doing with you, doing the infinite impact stuff and everything else, there was a conversation that came up about how do you distinguish resistance that’s good from resistance that’s not. So it’s the same feeling in your body. I don’t wanna. And that’s whether it’s something that you shouldn’t move towards or something you have to move towards in order to grow. And the answer was, for me, values. Like, if it’s values aligned, it’s the universe’s call for you to lean into that thing and really go for it. And the greater resistance there, the greater the reward on the other side and the more you will grow in that process and, you know, the bigger the danger on the other side.

But when I really leaned into something like selfish, because my whole life had been like, I don’t want people to see me as selfish, I will give all the people all the things. I’ll give you the shirt off my back. I’ll give you the money I don’t even have. I’ll give you what, you know, more time than you need or paid for or asked for, because I was so adamant with myself that I was not selfish. I had so divorced from myself that quality. And what the last couple of days, because this was just in our last session that we were talking about, right. So in just in the last few days, it’s been understanding how selfish is also the thing that’s going to give me access to being my fullest self and how choosing myself is the other side of that coin, and I am worthy to be chosen. And chosen is my word. And I just found that out this morning, you know? So this is. It’s all. It’s all a really cool alignment that’s happening. 

Nancy: Yes. And really, you know, in order to experience feeling chosen, we have to first experience choosing ourselves. We have to feel chosen by ourselves first and foremost. 

Isaac: Until we do that, we can’t feel chosen. 

Nancy: Exactly. 

Isaac: And that was. That was. I knew that here.And then today I learned it here. 

Nancy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s something that I really do love about this work, the shadow work, is that, you know, we expend so much mental energy, we are so cerebral, and we can intellectually know things. And then when we do drop into our body and especially into our heart, I really believe we receive data on a whole other frequency, on a whole other vibration. And that’s the information that fuels us to make the shift, that fuels us to put action in motion, to create momentum. 

Isaac: Well, that’s real knowing. There’s knowing in your mind, which does nothing, and then there’s the knowing in your body that then manifests out into the doing, and that’s what matters. That’s when you really get it. 

Nancy: Yeah. So for anyone listening who might be on the fence, who might feel a little bit of the resistance you mentioned earlier, how would you invite them to choose themselves and say yes to themselves by joining Your Inner Eclipse.

Isaac: If you are feeling resistance, it’s your sign, because this is aligned, this is good. And I can think of so many people that I’ve Shayla, the last example, is making a quick introduction, and then she’s like, oh, my gosh, I love this woman. Invited you out, had the work done, and now I see other people from her community who are doing the work, too. And it’s just so gratifying to watch the people who are waking up and choosing themselves in a different way, because this is not easy work and it’s not the surface level thing. And so often we go, oh, I’m going to choose myself by doing something nice for myself or taking the day off or taking a vacation or going to the spa or whatever. And it’s like I’m choosing myself that way, but we’re still not choosing ourself. We’re not choosing to learn about ourself and grow ourself and move into who we’re called to be. And that only happens through the deep work, like what you do in the eclipse program.And so I would say if you, if you felt that and you knew you were supposed to choose yourself, but you’ve been doing it in a superficial way or some way that keeps you from actually confronting your growth opportunities, this is the path to growth. 

So if you’re a growth minded individual, and a lot of you listening in our communities are, this, I think, is the next step. It’s maybe the most important thing that I’ve done in a really, really long time and unlocked so many other things for me that I would not have had access to if it weren’t for this work and for you. And so I’m very, very grateful for you and for the relationship that we’ve had and can’t wait to continue this, the journey with you, because we’re going to be doing all kinds of stuff together.

So, yes, we are. If you guys are listening, guys and gals are listening, and you are feeling that feeling of being pulled or tugged towards something, just say yes. Say yes to you and do this work. I promise it’s worth it.

Nancy:  Isaac, you are a gem. I love and adore and appreciate you and thank you for taking the time to share your experience, experience with all of the listeners today.

Isaac: Thank you so much, Nancy, I appreciate you. 

Nancy: Hi, Courtney. 

Courtney: Hi, Nancy. 

Nancy: I’m so happy to have you here, and I’m excited for you to share about your experience in Your Inner Eclipse, my group coaching experience. 

Courtney: Thank you so much for asking me. 

Nancy: Yes. 

Courtney: This is the best. 

Nancy:I love it. So, first, share with me a little bit about what drew you in and what was going on for you before you joined in on the coaching program.

Courtney: So my story started in December. A friend of mine, buddy, in my networking group, told me about this seven day challenge thing for this book, who’s in your room? And so I was like, you know, I haven’t done any, like, personal development stuff in a hot minute. That sounds great. I love that book. I’m going to do this. So I jumped, and I did that. And then at the end of that, there was an invitation to do, like, this next thing, and it was this deal to teach the concepts in the book. And I’m like, you know, I’m not a coach. Like, I’m not a speaker. I don’t really know why I would want to do that. But I like the people that are doing this work because they’re kind of, like, doing the self development stuff together and that vibes with me really a lot. And so I was like, you know what? I’m going to do this because I want to learn more about the book and more about myself, and I want to meet some people, and I want to see if I want to bring these people in my life. 

So I met our mutual friend, Isaac Stegman. And Isaac is the hub of all of this, by the way. So I did the instructor training, and, like, I don’t know how many weeks into that, a couple weeks in, he just knew to invite me to come to your little webinar thing that he was co hosting with you. And it was just to introduce your first eight week shadow work session. And he’s like, hey, I think you might like this. You might like Nancy. Just come and watch this thing. And I’m like, okay, cool, yeah, offer this. I’m in. And that was my first introduction to you. And I knew at the end of that little session there, I was like, whatever she’s doing, sign me up. Like, I’m here for that, right? 

And I had heard of shadow work before, but I didn’t really. It always kind of, like, scared me because I’m like, what is this? This is going to be some, like, gut wrenching, like, pulling out all my traumas and what is this? Right? Like, is this, like, painful? What is this? But I didn’t figure it would be with you, so whatever it was going to be, right? And I hadn’t read any of your books. I hadn’t heard a single podcast of yours. I didn’t know who you were. I had no clue. I didn’t know you were. And then. So we signed up, and the shadow work started. And I have to say, it was not what I expected at all. The questions that you asked, the way that it was presented, the way that you just gently have us look and remember things, and what do we believe about ourselves in these certain alchemies? Right? But it was everything I needed that I didn’t know that I needed. And I had gotten to a place. So because of Isaac and that whole program over there, I had made a new friend, Rusty Shields. And Rusty, bless him, saw into me instantly and basically gave me the feedback in our very first one on one conversation that said, have you ever thought about being a coach? I’m like, no. It’s like, what do you really want to do? I was like, I just want to pick up trash on beaches, man. But how do you make money doing that? Like, how do you do that? Right? And he’s like, because I could totally see you being a coach and hosting a retreat on beaches and picking up trash and talking about head trash. And I’m like, that sounds really amazing. Like, I hadn’t thought about that. But Rusty could see me enough to know, like, I wasn’t putting the pieces together with my dream and what was possible with the business, right?

And so in that, I had that seed planted. So now I’ve got that going in my brain, and I’m doing the shadow work with you and the possibility when I get to the desire section was just like, whoa, wait a minute. What can I possibly do here, right? And then, I don’t know, six weeks into your shadow work, you tell me about this hay house thing you’re doing, and you’re co facilitating, hosting this hay house book writers bootcamp and I’m like, you know, this thing happened in December. I’ve been thinking about, I’ve been really gelling on it,  I think I want to write a book. I think I’m going to do that. Like, I want to check that out. So I did that. Thank you for the offer of that. Loved it. That was incredible. Four days, I took 16 hours for $97. I was like, I just took notes. Like, for days, it was great. And I learned everything I needed to know about how to write a book. I didn’t have a clue. I hadn’t written anything. I journaled. I had a blog once. Like, I write, but I don’t like, write a book. I wasn’t thinking I was going to write a book, but I felt compelled to share what has been happening for me and this transformation of me figuring out all my self love stuff and doing all this self care. And now I’m surrounding myself with the right support that I need in my life. And now things are happening, and it’s like magic. And Courtney feels more alive than she ever has. And I know that I can accomplish anything that I want to do now. 

So did the book writers boot camp. And then Isaac comes to me and says, hey, we’re going to do level two of this. Do you want to join me for this? And I was like, hey, man, nope. You introduced me to Nancy, and she got me into book writing a book. So now I’m going to write a book. And he’s like, really? You need to come to this other thing. And that’s when he invited me to Books & Business with Amber Vilhauer to help her promote her awesome book and be part of her community. And I was like, oh, I don’t know. I don’t even have a book yet. Like, I just decided two weeks ago I was going to write a book. This seems really fast, right? This seems really sudden. And then I found out that Rusty was going to be there, and then I found out that you were going to be there. And I’m like, these are all the new people in my life.I feel like I need to go. 

Nancy: Yep. 

Courtney: And then I went and I met you and Amber and everyone amazing at books and business, like, this whole new room of friends that are here, and they’re all doing different stuff. I mean, there’s, like, dentists and financial people and authors and coaches and nonprofits, and everybody’s different, but everybody’s here to make a difference and do something really amazing in the world. And that’s what Amber has, is, like, this amazing book that brought us all together. Right? And so. Yeah. And so now I figured out, okay, so Courtney’s going to have a retreat on a beach, and Courtney’s going to write a book, and Courtney’s going to have a platform in a community where all of my people that are in my circle right now, that I’m seeing that have all these great ideas and plans and all these awesome things they want to do in their life, they just don’t know how to get it out. 

Just like I didn’t know how to get it. I didn’t know what it was. I knew I wanted to do something more than this insurance thing I’ve been doing for 26 years. But what? But what?

Nancy: So, how did shadow work coaching support you in getting really clear on the vision you were holding and your desire to bring it to fruition, man. 

Courtney: So, first of all, the very first thing you start with is awareness. Now, I know I’ve had a negative voice in my head for a long time. I think everybody does. Most humans do, right? And that’s the voice that basically has kept me from doing all the most amazing things. It’s the voice that doesn’t love me for who I am. It’s the voice that says I’m not enough. It’s the voice that just beats me up all the time. And it took a lot of awareness looking at what that voice is and how that abuser shows up for me and my shadow around an abuser and how abusers trigger me and making me look inside and say, okay, so where’s the abuser in me? And where’s that hanging out? And so getting the understanding that every single time I’m triggered by someone or something they’re doing. I’m like, oh, man, this is some really deep stuff, Nancy. And it just. So that awareness piece, first of all, like, I have to pump the brakes on what’s going on in here before I can really put all my energy into what it is that I want to do. How can I create all this stuff if I don’t believe in myself? 

Nancy: Yeah. 

Courtney: So the interesting piece. So, moving into the second one, so responsibility, that was the forgiveness piece that I had to figure out. My daily self care checklist, I had some things that I knew I needed to be doing my whole life. We should be exercising every day, should be moving my body every day, and taking care of this vehicle that I’m in. It’s the only house I have, and I know this, but I have beat it up for 44 years. I haven’t taken good care of it. I haven’t kept it in its most optimum operating procedures here. Like, it’s not strong. And so I’ve had hang ups with that, and I’m like, well, what’s the deal? So I realized that I’ve been beating myself up. I don’t know if anybody else beats themselves up for not doing the things that we know we should be doing, but we’re just not because we don’t make the time. I wasn’t forgiving myself for the lack of care for 44 years. So seeing that piece and being like, okay, so what does forgiveness look, like, if I’m going to make amends to myself, what does that mean? I have to change my behavior and do something different. And that looks like self love, and that looks like exercise, and that looks like making me number one in my own life for once. And you taught me how to be selfish with self care, Nancy. I’m getting selfish with my self care, and I’m good with it. 

Nancy: Good. It’s. I mean, believe me, I love to get on my. I love to get on my soapbox about selfish. And what I’m really appreciating about, what you’re sharing is how you were able to mobilize yourself into action by diving into your shadow. 

Courtney: There’s no way I could have flipped the switch on that, Nancy. Like. Cause I’m just. I’m too busy beating up on myself to do the self care thing. Like, they don’t go together. Like, you know, I can’t, like, worry and feel gratitude at the same time. Like, I can’t feel good about myself without doing the thing. 

Nancy: Yeah. 

Courtney: So, anyway, so changing my behavior looks like a living amends to my own self and my own body. So that piece has been resolved, and now I’m looking at it with creativity and curiosity. Okay, so how can I exercise? Because just doing the same routine and all the things, like, it’s, like, right now, I’m walking on a beach. I’m like, my calves are burning, girl. Like, I need to move to a beach. So, anyway, skipping ahead.

 So let’s see here. Authenticity is one of my newly discovered values. Authentic energy is one of my values, because I know that when I show up completely, as I am, 100%, and I’m secure with me and I love me fully, people respond to that. Like, I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had just in the last couple of months where I’m sitting and I’m having a two hour coffee with a friend that I haven’t talked to in a long time. And they’re like, you’re kind of different, and I am. 

Nancy: And it’s amazing and beautiful. And I know for me that, you know, when I really recognized that the energy it took to hide parts of myself was depleting me was exhausting me.

And that really showing up in my authenticity, owning and expressing all parts of myself, I felt flooded with energy. 

Courtney:  That’s what’s going on right now. That’s what’s happening. 

Nancy: Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. 

Courtney: Just seeing where I hold back in conversations, even, and I don’t, you know, what it is. So here’s the other thing, Nancy. And I don’t know if I was going to get to this later or not, but I’ll throw it in now because the awareness is so dialed in and I am catching my thoughts when they’re negative. And thanks for being here. Next. And just that gentle acknowledging that they’re in there. I’m not beating anything up. I’m moving right along onto the next nice thing. And the nudge that I used to have to do things or say things is now like, yo, do it. Like, it’s not even a nudge anymore. She’s very loud. And when I feel called to share something with someone or I feel like I need to give them feedback or a message or just anything, it’s weird. It’s kind of cool. Like, I’m. I listen to it now and before, I would not necessarily act on it and question it and be like, should I really grab the extra pair of socks? Yeah, you should have. Like, you’re gonna need them later. Like, just listen to the voice because it knows what I need and what’s coming and all the things before I do. So it’s a little woo woo for some people, but for me, that’s really what’s happening right now and it’s kind of crazy.

Nancy: I feel you. Yeah. Yeah. 

Courtney:  So, yeah. Very in tune with myself. And, yes, the amount of energy I have right now is bonkers. 

Nancy: And, you know, you mentioned that, you know, we start the coaching process with awareness and we move through the alchemical stages all the way to wholeness. And I’m curious to hear about the impact of you experiencing yourself in your wholeness and what that has opened up for you.

Courtney: Like, I physically know that I am so myself and having really, for the first time ever, a full love for myself that I’ve not ever had, understanding that the bits that I have just been locking away, pushing away, not just embracing all of me, that takes energy. So not just holding things back, but keeping things, you know, and how in the world are people gonna enjoy this life to the max? How am I going to create all this greatness and all this love that I just want to push it out into the world now without having done this work. Like, it wouldn’t be happening right now. I mean, all the little things that you’ve taught me, like, things like, if it’s not in service to me, it’s sabotaging me. Right. That was huge for me, Nancy. Huge. Huge. 

So now I know that it’s like, if any one of these, like, if anything comes up for me, that doesn’t really nail all of my values and all the things, like, it’s just It’s so. It’s so loud and I know it’s not for me. 

And the biggest piece, I think, is my thing, my next thing that I’m doing right in my life and all this, these people that I’m going to help and the retreat I’m going to make, and it’s all about your desires piece was huge for me. The nourishment. Nourishment. Because I’m that person that has not been nourishing myself my whole life. It’s been everyone else here. And to receive, I got hang ups with that. Like, I don’t, you know, I’m good, right? No, I’m not good. I need to receive all of that and be okay with receiving. Like, that was. That, I think was probably out of all of them, that might have been my biggest one, Nancy, because I could not do any of this without receiving. Just knowing what I want and being okay with it and it’s not selfish to want to do all this self care stuff in a day. My God, this is what’s wrong with the world. We’re not taking care of ourselves. I need to do it for me and set the example because I want to show other people how to do it. That’s my whole calling right now. So. Yeah. 

Nancy: So for anybody listening right now who might be on the fence considering whether or not to join me for my next cohort of Your Inner Eclipse, shadow work coaching, what might you say to them?

Courtney: My first question would be, because this is what I asked myself. When’s the last time you spent money on your heart? For me, it had been way too long. Pre Covid. I did a lot of self development stuff. Like, I did a lot of seminars. I did a lot of personal growth, right? And then 2020 happened. And then I think a lot of us, maybe even some of us, just stopped, right? We just kind of, everything kind of put on hold for a little bit. At least it did for me, you know? And this was my opportunity to say, you know what? I’m stuck. I’m stuck. Like, I’m not doing what I know I’m meant to do. I don’t even know what that is, but I know I’m stuck. And I gave myself permission to spend the money and the time. It wasn’t about the money to me, more so than it was the time, to make it about me and giving myself that okay to say, you know what I’m freaking worth being not stuck anymore. Invest in myself, in something and do this thing, you know? And, God, I’m glad I did. God, can’t believe it, Nancy. 

Nancy: And, you know, I mean, really, from the whole, you know, from the journey that you laid out earlier, you know, saying yes to one piece led to the next yes led to the next yes. And the dots connect, and you ultimately have given yourself permission to follow your heart. 

Courtney: Yeah, totally. Totally. And that is, like, I feel high all the time, Nancy. Shit. Like, this is crazy. Like, this is what life is supposed to feel like. If people don’t get here, they don’t allow themselves to get here. But I know you and me, we want to help people get here. Like, because it’s jam, man. It’s a fucking jam. 

Nancy: Courtney, thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us today. 

Thanks so much for listening. I hope that you feel inspired to join me for this next cohort of Your Inner Eclipse, my group coaching experience so that you can do the shadow work necessary to harness the power of the gold you’ve been hiding inside. Join me at nancylevin.com/eclipse I’ll see you on the inside.

Nancy: Thanks so much for joining me today. I invite you to head on over to nancylevin.com to check out all the goodies I have there for you. And if you’ve enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a rating and a review. I’ll meet you back here next week.